Wednesday, June 13, 2018

Older and Wiser

A friend recently asked if I have any friends who are younger than me. I took her question's subtext to mean whether I had any friends who weren't over 60. Funny, and for the record, the answer is yes. But, the truth of the matter is that I have quite a few close friends who are, in fact, over 60. Friendships happen for all kinds of reasons and I don't walk through life actively seeking friends, young, old or in between. But, I do often become friends with women older than me and this has always been the case.
One of my dearest friends is in her 70s. We became friends when we both worked at Eaton's. She took a risk one day and asked me whether I wanted to have dinner. I say risk, because extending an invitation to someone beyond the "circle" where you met is scary and could lead to rejection. Anyway, I accepted and we went out for dinner and it was great! I think she may be the only person who fully understands my dark, sarcastic side...who reads as much as me and who has an opinion on fixing the world which is close to mine. Obviously, she's a genius, lol.
One of my newest friends is from choir. Call it luck or providence or fate, but my spot in the soprano section ended up being next to her. She is funny and real and there is no pretense there. I love spending time with her and we laugh a lot. I can be myself and say what I think; I don't think there is anything that I wouldn't tell her. That's another thing about older women, they aren't shocked by what my unfiltered self blurts out. Or if they are, it doesn't phase them, lol. The stereotype of older ladies is the disapproving granny with the wagging finger. But, I actually find that to be more true of my peers. Oh, you don't feed your kids organic food? What, no swimming lessons? You let your kids play video games? You don't record every second of their music performance on your phone? Do you even love your kids??? Older women are much more big picture people. My choir friend has messaged me more than once about what a good mom I am. That's so much more encouraging and helpful than all the judgement from my peers.
Another close friend I met through church. This time I was the risk taker and invited her and her husband over for tea one evening. It wasn't risky in that I didn't think they'd say no, but it's not common for young couples to invite old couples to their house for tea. It seems a little weird. Like what could we possibly have in common? Anyway, they came over and it was a lovely visit. The wife and I became very good friends and she is one of the wisest women I know and not for the reasons you might think. She told me hilarious stories about herself and how she used to take things so seriously and some of the mistakes she had made. I'd like to think that I learned a lot from her.
And this brings me to one of the reasons that I tend to gravitate toward older ladies. They seem to have a much better perspective on life. They don't get tied up in knots over the little things because through experience, they understand what matters. One of my favourite authors has said, "Elderly woman know everything there is to know about everything there is to know." I don't think that that is quite true, but it's sure truer for someone who's 60 than for someone who is 20.
But, I think the biggest reason that I have lots of older friends is that they live wide open. This is not true of all older people, but it is of the ones that are my friends. They aren't out to prove anything, they aren't overly sensitive, they don't get hung up on small things. They embrace the ordinary and enjoy life for the fleeting breath that it is.

"When I die, I want to be wide open,
I don't want to be tight-fisted,
holding on to grudges or regrets.
I don't want to have my back up because I'm
still
defending the wall I've built
and the trenches I've dug and the
invisible
lines I've drawn.
When I die, I want to go wide open."   ~Deidra Riggs

Saturday, June 9, 2018

Are you trying to drift your way to holiness?


I have come to a startling conclusion: wanting to get closer to Jesus is not enough. The desire itself is noble and one that is hopefully shared by all believers, but it doesn’t actually produce a closer walk with Jesus. Growth does not happen by accident, osmosis or magic; it is hard work.

I don’t know how many years I spent wanting to grow in my faith without really praying or reading the Bible regularly. Now that I think back, it sounds ridiculous. But there I was not reading my Bible, not really praying, filling my time and my mind with “other” things and yet thinking that somehow by magic each year would bring me closer to Jesus. I think that I thought that I could “drift my way to holiness” like one preacher put it. I didn’t.
For four years now I have attended a weekly in-depth Bible study. It has involved daily homework and weekly lectures and discussions. I have learned a lot and I have prayed more than ever before. I feel like there has been real growth in my life. But it hasn’t been easy. Praying and studying the Bible require effort. In the past, I admit that I have sometimes thought that “prayer warrior types” are specially gifted from God to pray. And in some ways, they probably are, but they still need to put aside time to actually pray; that requires sacrifice.

Yes, we need grace and it’s all grace, even the growth that may occur in my life. However, even though “grace is opposed to earning, it is not opposed to effort” (Dallas Willard). I can’t earn my way to heaven, but I do need to put in the time and the effort to grow.