Things everyone loves that I do not...

1. Cirque du Soleil. I recently went for the first time. Although I had a good time, I didn't love it. In fact, I would not pay money to go again. Yes, the acrobatics are amazing, yes the music is good, the tightropes are death-defying, but I just don't care. I was impressed but I have no desire to go again.

2. Disneyland. I went once and that was enough. I don't like crowds, lineups, rides, heat, expensive food, crazy parking, and I hate what Disney stands for these days.

3. Camping. I live in BC and feel like I should love it. I don't. I love walks in the forest and sunsets and the beach. But then I want to get into my airconditioned car and drive home to my own house, my own bed and my own bathroom. I don't want camping food, shared showers and toilets, cramped quarters, cold, wet, bugs, more bugs, and to smell like smoke. Just no.

4. Ketchup. Ew. No thank you.

5. Taylor Swift. I like some of her music. That's all I got.

6. Mr. Bean. I don't find stupid funny. Or endearing.

Why Teach?

 

I have about six students in grade two this year who are concerningly below grade level in reading and writing. So, my coworker and I signed up for an intensive intervention program that would combine reading and phonics instruction. It required extra training and honestly, extra work. But. The results have been truly amazing and heartwarming. Seeing the girl in the middle in the photo LIGHT UP as she discovers the joys of reading and writing is why I teach. To get to be part of that process is such a privilege.

Autumn

I am leaning into my favourite season of colours and pumpkins and novels and fireplaces and scarves and candles. Today is Nov 4 and there are still leaves on the trees and the sun was out. Yes, the world is raging all around. Yes, I have a cold. Yes, it's report card writing season. But. I can still find joy and I will.
 

Beauty-a reminder from a favourite writer

Beauty is a defiance of war. God made this world for health and loveliness, for communion and cultivation. Don't forget that amidst the headlines. Don't stop ordering your world or tending the souls around you or cooking them good food or planting flowers. Every one of those acts is a defiance of the evil we see raining fire and death upon innocent people. Don't lose faith in this time of despair with the square of earth you have been called to keep and the people who depend on your love.

It's so easy to suspend normal life in the face of relentless headlines. I have too often this week succumbed to the endless checking of my phone, to a disconnection with those around me, a sense that the thousand faithful acts of our ordinary are useless in the face of such destruction. But that is another arm of evil. Faithfulness is vital, it is our good work, our duty, our gift both to the God who made us to flourish and the suffering who yearn for comfort. We must keep faith so that safe and loving places still remain in the world. We must be ready to receive the war torn, to recognise the lost when they arrive on our doorstep. We must make our homes places of hospitality that are tethered to heaven, ready to feast and heal whomever God sends.

Evil disorders and disintegrates what God crafted with his own hands and called good. Evil unravels affection and history and safety and and hope. Evil breaks families apart and destroys narratives of love, and bombs the homes it took decades to build. But love rebuilds. Love defies evil by doing what God did in the very beginning of our story; speaking the world alive, calling it forth to ripening life, filling it with beauty, naming it with love.

That work is still possible, is the one thing necessary in the face of war. It's being done by those right in the thick of war; feeding the displaced children and sheltering the refugees and binding the wounds of those who have been bombed. We must give to that, pray for it from afar. But we may also participate in it by keeping faith. By claiming and cultivating spaces that are opposite to war, defiant of evil, allowing Beauty to be at work in us to claim and renew this broken world.

summer 2023

I had a really fabulous summer which ended with a belated birthday party for me with three of my friends from childhood. It was literally the last day of summer and it was still warm and lovely and we were on my friend's beautiful patio. She had cooked up a feast and there was so much laughter and reminiscing and fun. 

On my actual birthday in July, I was on a girl's trip to Victoria and Galiano. It was relaxing and beautiful and quiet. The great thing about going to the island is that I feel like I am on holiday as soon as I get on the ferry. The weather was spectacular and we were on the deck admiring the stunning beauty of BC. In Victoria, we walked around downtown, we ate fabulous food, we went to Butchart Gardens. We stayed in a lovely air b&b from which we could have walked to the beach if we'd had more time. On Galiano, we stayed in a lovely cottage air b&b looking out over the water. I was very pleasantly surprised at the good restaurants we went to, considering how small the island is. My favourite was a little outdoor cafe attached to a bookstore. It was quaint and adorable and the food was delicious.

In August, I went to Whistler with Lesley. We teach at the same school and have known each other since we did teacher ed together over 20 years ago at UBC. I hadn't been to Whistler in years and I wasn't super excited, but after much hemming and hawing about where to go, we settled on Whistler because it seemed easy. Low expectations are always great because they are so easy to exceed, lol. The drive up was spectacular and we stopped to take pictures. Our air b&b was fantastic, in the upper village, walking distance to everywhere, included parking, and had a hot tub. The floor to ceiling windows, which from the 4th floor looked out on to a wall of evergreens, made me feel like I was waking up in the middle of a forest. We walked around, we went to the Scandinave Spa, we read and we planned for school. 

Of course, I also spent time with my family. But that was very bittersweet since Matias moved out at the end of summer. I will maybe blog about that some other time. All in all it was a relaxing summer and felt gloriously long. Now the rains are here and I am ok with that; feeling grateful for a great summer.

Hope

Where do you get your hope? When you are anxious or discouraged or unsettled, where do you go? I go to my faith, and more specifically to the author and finisher of my faith. He never lets me down because my peace is found in a person: Jesus. I don't need to reach a certain level to find peace. I don't need to use breathing techniques or search for inner peace from within or escape my circumstances. I don't need to read a 10 step book. I just need to go to Jesus.

Last night I was anxious. I had trouble getting to sleep because my mind was buzzing and it was too hot. Somewhat ironically we are literally in Hope and Pentti and I had decided to go to church here, so I also worried about not getting enough sleep as the countdown to my alarm got shorter and shorter. I prayed. And I eventually fell asleep.

I got out of bed a little reluctantly and got ready for church. I am so glad I did! It was so uplifting and so timely. I was so, so encouraged. I am sure lots of people took the message to heart from Philippians about not being anxious about anything but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, taking it to God. But I felt like the message was especially for me. And sitting there I felt God's deep and abiding love for me.

One of the lyrics from one of the worship songs said: "why should I be afraid, when you put the stars in place"? Why indeed. He is sovereign and He is good.

PS. The song is called You Shine by Brian Doerksen. You should listen to it.

birthday month

 

It has been a very good start to my birthday celebrations. I have had so much delicious food: birthday cake, moules frites, tuscan salmon, chicken korma.....it has been a feast. And in such fabulous company too. I've gone out, I've stayed in, I've been to watch the sunset, I've shopped, I've had great conversation....it really has been a wonderful July so far.

130 years!

Lois and I have always joked about having a 130th birthday party together because I turn 50 the same year she turns 80. Well yesterday turned out to be the perfect day for a party. And surprisingly, despite it being the middle of summer, eight of us were able to make it. It was great fun! Some of the ladies I had not seen in three years since the beginnings of COVID. It was so nice to catch up, to laugh, to eat, and be together. 

 

Joonas in the classroom

 

Joonas had to job shadow me today. Of course I made him mop the floor, clean the desks, dance during body break, play soccer with the boys and read with the kids. It was great! I don't think he loved it, but I don't think he hated it either. The student on the left is one of the more active boys in my class who has zero impulse control. He LOVED Joonas; it was pretty funny. He wants him to come to school with me every day. Lol. 

Blessed

It was very busy, but such a good weekend. We celebrated Matias on Saturday with the whole family. I ordered Greek food and it was the best decision ever. The food was delicious, there was lots of it, I didn't have to cook, we had leftovers for Sunday and in this heat I didn't have to use my oven/stove at all.

Sunday was Mother's Day and we went to church. It was lovely and Pastor Jon preached a very good sermon. Pentti took me shopping as a Mother's day gift. It was great!

But what I actually want to write about is the blessing of my three kids. Even though I get frustrated and overwhelmed sometimes, they really are a blessing from God. I am grateful that He has blessed me with three healthy children. And I am so amazed at who they are becoming and how uniquely gifted they are. I pray that I can support and guide them to be exactly who God has created them to be.
 

I have an 18 year old

I have never been that sentimental mom who cried in kindergarten or felt all weepy that my kids were growing up. But Matias turning 18 today and graduating this year have caught me by surprise. I am feeling nostalgic. And weepy. And sad.

Matias is my firstborn. He is thoughtful and smart and kind. I am proud to be his mom. I can't wait to see what his future holds; I know he will be successful in whatever he decides to do. I have never had to remind him to do his homework, or to practise his piano. He rarely complains if I ask for his help with chores or going to the store for me. He is calm and even-keeled and stable. 

But I wonder if I have been a good mom. Did he have a good childhood? Does he feel loved? Have we set a good example for him? I hope so. Because although we will continue to have an influence in his life, he is no longer a child. And that makes me sad.

Easter 2023

Wow! What a fantastic Easter weekend full of church! On Good Friday, all the Christ City campuses came together to worship. It was amazing to worship with over 500 people, some of whom I hadn't seen since before covid. In the evening, I went to my friend's church for a tenebrae service and it was really moving. The sanctuary kept getting progressively darker until it went pitch black, like the darkness that descended when Jesus died on the cross.

On Saturday, we had a two hour rehearsal for choir. That was actually hard, but also so fun. I got to know some people I didn't know before by joining choir. It was truly great! Afterward my bff cooked me dinner and we watched a show and drank tea, warm and cosy from the rain.

On Sunday, I had to get to church for 8:30am and I didn't leave until after 1pm. We sang, we waited in the side room and chatted and ate, we sang some more. Repeat 6 times. It was a long day but I loved every minute. What a joy to sing with the choir. What a joy to be part of the Christ City church community. Above all, what a joy that Jesus has risen and I have eternal hope!!

I'm So Happy To Hear That

Pages turning as my daughter reads a book / Coffee dripping / Kids singing their hearts out / A sermon playing through my headphones / Community group laughing / The new artist I discovered on Spotify / Comfortable silence / Friendly staff in the hallways / Choir practicing / Sunday's call to worship / The ding of someone messaging me / The kids telling me about their days / Emmi's evening prayers / My prayer app / You look amazing / Steak sizzling / Laughter / The Doxology / I'm sorry, I'll try to change / The opening to my favourite show / My bff cooking for me.

Church Choir

My church has put together a choir for Easter and I am so excited! Yesterday was the first practice and it was so much fun! I had forgotten what hard work it is to sing properly, but I've missed it. We did warm ups. We all sang all of the parts for one of the songs. I've never done that before. I chatted with my friends. The hour flew by. We will be performing on Easter Sunday and I can't wait. It'll be a long day since we will be singing at all three gatherings, but that's ok. It'll be great. And in between we'll get to hang out and eat snacks, lol. 

Just when I think I can't love it at my church any more than I already do, they do something unexpected to make me love it more, like put together a choir. We have now attended there seven years and it keeps getting better and I keep getting more involved, which if you know me, is a very good sign. With choir happening on Thursday nights, I will now have church events five out of seven days a week. Is that too much? No! Sundays, Bible study, community group, choir; they're all very different. Mondays involve driving my boys to church for youth, so it's not really an event for me. But, it is still another way that my family connects with our church family. And this is my community, our community. This is where I want to invest my time. 

Be st Fri ends

I send you memes and random Bible study questions. / We discuss what that guy's motive for murder could've been on that show and whether they recast the female lead? / You know some of my passwords and I know yours. / You're a soft place to land and wickedly funny. / We talk about those annoying talkative people who don't seem to know that they'd seem smarter if they kept their mouths closed and ugly mismatched outfits and what happened to her face? / I share how much it hurt to lose my dad and how things are really going. / We plan trips and Bible studies and fitness plans and what flavour of ice cream to buy. / You make me delicious food and I contribute important help doing things like cutting avocado. /  We drink copious amounts of tea. / You love mushrooms and I love tomatoes. / You think details and I think big picture. / We talk. About everything.

"I used to think that all this in-between stuff was the intermission, the rest stops along the way...but lately I've come to realize that all of this small stuff is the stuff. This is it, the main event, the blue plate special, a million little drops of love that fill the whole cup."

Lent

It's Ash Wednesday which marks the beginning of Lent on the church calendar. I have done various things over the years to mark the season of Lent. It has always involved giving up something whether shopping, wine, or social media. This year, I have decided to do something a little different. Rather than giving up something, I have decided to focus on what I am filling myself up with and choose my "best yes" each day. My best yes on any given day might look different. Today, it looked like going to an Ash Wednesday service where there was beautiful singing, candlelight, ashes, communion and prayer. I was tired after work and considered staying home. But I knew that I would love the church service and it would be worth going. And I was right. 

In considering what my best yes is, I don't mean to selfishly fill myself with all the things that delight me. On Sunday our church is having an AGM. I have never been and I hate (business) meetings, but my best yes involves doing things I know I should do whether I want to or not. Exercise on the elliptical falls into this category and a variety of other things that I will be doing. Looking forward to the next 40 days til Easter...

loves

They say love is a word that is thrown around too casually, that it has lost some of its depth. But you know what? I really do love potato chips and coffee and chocolate. I love my living room and my couch. I love the pink streaks in my hair and my painted nails. I love flowers. I love my church and my class and my community group. I love my dresses and my ballet flats and my new black jacket. I love conversations with my best friend. I love rain and sunshine and cold mornings. I love the twinkle lights in my classroom. I love my new pink blanket and the fake magnolias in the vase. I love music and the preaching of my pastors and the sound of rain. I love tea with milk and sugar. I love sinking into a new book. I love visiting my neighbour. I love recess and coffee with my coworkers. I don't think my love for these things diminishes my love for all the more important people and things in my life. "As a matter of fact, I am entirely certain that the music swells, time stops and lights twinkle for even our most ordinary, fleeting, Monday-kinda loves."

beauty in winter

I've been teaching my students about adjectives and how to make their writing more interesting. Last week, we talked about beauty. How it is subjective and "in the eye of the beholder". I told them that on our nature walk that day we were going to search for beauty. They protested; "but, it's winter". True. It's harder to find beauty when things are dead. When it's not even snowy, but grey and gross outside. But that just makes it more of a challenge. 

So, we went outside and they found some. Hearty herbs that were still growing in the garden. Birds sitting on a wire. A birds nest. And a heart shape in the trunk of a tree. Beauty is everywhere if you can be bothered to look. And when it's hard to find, that's when you should try especially hard to find it.

Sorry I Can't Come To The Phone Right Now

I saw a poem with this title on Instagram that was really funny, so I decided to borrow the idea and create my own:

Sorry I can't come to the phone right now.

I am sitting on the sofa contemplating life/sipping my latte/staring at the glowing fire/listening to the rain drizzle on my patio/watching videos on Instagram/reading my prayer book/checking Whatsapp/twirling my hair around my finger/listening to husband on a work call/shopping online. I'm wondering whether to take a personal day tomorrow/thinking about my elliptical/remembering the nice jacket I saw at Superstore. I am regretting that it's my turn for school pick up/annoyed that the rain is so misty that an umbrella looks dumb but without one my hair is ruined. I'm upset /my feelings are hurt/I feel ignored. I am being petty/I am not using judgement of charity like RC Sproul taught me yesterday. I am basking in all the hugs I got this morning at Bible study/I am feeling loved. I am staring at the pile of books and wanting to read them all and also none. I am wishing you would text. I hate phone calls. I am busy.

new life motto

I have a new motto for 2023: I'm here to grate fresh parm all over my life and never say "when". This poem, but especially that line made me laugh. To be really honest, I have always said "when" to the waiter much sooner than I've wanted. I've thought about how it will look if I ask for as much cheese as I REALLY want. Well, no more friends....

trust

Word of the year for 2023: trust. I have blogged before about what a hard time I have trusting people. Granted, I have been disappointed many times by people who have proven themselves untrustworthy. But. I am no longer going to live my life always questioning what people tell me. I am tired of being a cynic. I am going to try to take people at their word. I am not going to spend my time wondering about the subtext, what they "really" meant, what they left unsaid. 

In my Bible studies this week, the verses talked about let your yes be yes and your no be no. The context was of course different, but I was thinking I could also apply it to letting another person's yes be yes and no be no. People don't actually owe me an explanation. If they give one and it's less than the "whole" truth, perhaps they are not comfortable with sharing the whole truth. Or maybe our relationship is not at the level that they want to tell me. Or maybe it's complicated and they don't want to explain right now. 

My job is to take their words at face value. People will tell me as much or as little as they want to and I am going to be okay with that. I am going to trust them.