Resolutions

I have mixed feelings about making resolutions; I think I've blogged about it before. Usually their biggest downside is that they aren't kept. By February or March I have often forgotten what my resolution was supposed to be. This past year, I didn't make any resolutions exactly, but I did decide to see more concerts. I love good music; it truly feeds my soul. A good concert is the best escape I know from my life and my problems. So, I made a conscious decision to attend more concerts and for once, I have kept my promise. I have been to the following in 2019:

-Lauren Daigle
-The Tenors
-Pentatonix
-Chris Tomlin
-For King And Country
-Brian Doerksen
-Itzhak Perlman
-Andrea Bocelli
-Sheku Kanneh-Mason
-the VOS choir
-the Messiah
-The Good Noise Vancouver Gospel Choir
-four different shows at Frankie's Jazz Club

Most of the concerts have been fantastic. The only two I would not see again are Itzhak Perlman because he was so expensive and the Messiah because frankly, I think it's overrated and too long. In the past few months since my dad's cancer diagnosis I have attended quite a few concerts and they have provided a total escape while at the same time filling me up. Brian Doerksen's concert was the release of his Christmas cd and I am pretty sure that he performed all the songs from the album. I loved every minute. The music was good, he had a band and a string orchestra. He had great guests artists sing duets with him. And I got to spend time with Dee; we had a lovely dinner together before the concert.
Attending the Good Noise Christmas concert was exactly the therapy that I needed the week that my dad died. First of all the venue (Christ Church Cathedral) is stunning. Second, I have friends in the choir and seeing them and their joy in singing was infectious. Finally, the music transported me somewhere else. I was able to forget my sorrow. I actually thought twice about attending though, because I wondered what people would think. Would they think I was cold and heartless to attend a concert 3 days after my dad died? But then I decided they could think whatever they wanted. Music is healing for me like nothing else. It was also healing for my father and there were many times during his illness that he asked for music. My dad would totally have understood why a concert was in fact exactly what I needed. So, I went to the concert and it was perfect. I may have cried during one song, but who cares!? Thank God for the gift of music.

My Dad- part two

What is a legacy? When you look it up, the first definitions that pop up tend to be about money and property. But lately, I have been thinking about less tangible legacies, like love and respect and faith and hard work. I was visiting my dad in the hospital and telling him about what kind of legacy he will one day leave behind. How his example and teachings have profoundly impacted his kids. I told him that if he is proud of us (which I know he is), then he can thank himself, as well as my mom and God. 

My dad taught us to work hard. He enjoyed his work, but it wasn't always easy. I remember many mornings finding him sitting on the edge of his bed trying to work up the energy to get his day started (none of us are morning people...at all!!). But, he always went. I don't remember him ever taking a day to slack off. He took pride in his work. He taught us that you spend most of your days at work, so you should enjoy what you are doing. 
My dad has a servant's heart; he is always willing to help others with whatever skills he has. He is really handy, so he would often get calls about fridges or vacuums or other things not working. About plugged sinks and broken garburators. He always went because he likes to help people. His attitude has always been that if he can help, why wouldn't he? He rarely thinks about his own convenience or what it will cost him in terms of time or effort to help someone in need. If helping people also saves them money, then that's a win win in his book.

My dad taught us to be authentic before it was a buzz word. He is exactly the same man in every situation and place. In fact, I am positive that the people who honor and respect him the most are his five kids and his wife and that says something about a man's authenticity. My dad's word is true and he instilled in us the value of honesty, integrity and what's right. I know there are times when my dad spoke the truth when it was not personally advantageous to him, but there was no question that he would do anything other than say it like it is.

My dad taught us the value of faith. The greatest way that he taught us this is by living it and being faithful. My dad is not really a man of many words, but get him going on a theological discussion and he has lots to say, lol. But his theology is not just words or philosophies; he lives out his faith in his every day life. His whole life is about living out what he believes, whether at home or at work or at church. His faith permeates every area of his life.
My dad taught us to own up to our mistakes and shortcomings. He told us openly about things he's learned the hard way so that we could avoid some of the mistakes that he has made. At church, both my parents were open about problems their kids were having where other families would pretend that everything was perfect. Their openness has encouraged us to be real and allow others in when we are struggling.

My dad taught us through his example that you are never too old to learn something new. He started playing ice hockey when he turned 50 and continued playing right up until this past June. He also started playing golf in his 70s and would go twice a day to the putting green at their place in Florida. 

My dad taught us to know what we are talking about. He does not suffer fools gladly. One should be well read and informed. One should engage in discussion and politics and news. If you have an opinion, it better be based on something other than feelings and you should be able to argue your point well. My dad loves a lively discussion and we have had a lot of those in our family over the years. We don't all always agree, but I think it is such richness that we have openly discussed so many things and debated and argued.
The engineer in my dad taught us to appreciate things that are well made and stand the test of time. He has no patience for things that break or fall apart or are poorly designed. Whether it has been building a green house, planting a garden, building a sauna or remodelling a kitchen, my dad has always focused on being cost-efficient, but never at the expense of quality. Things need to last. I think this is part of his inherited Finnish work ethic. If you can do something well once, that is always better than doing something quickly and cheaply if you have to keep fixing it later.
My dad taught us about commitment. If you sign up for something, you commit to it, whether it's music lessons or sports or attending church. Even if things aren't going well. Even if it's hard or you are discouraged. If you started, you need to finish and you need to finish well. 
My dad taught us all this and so much more. But, when I say he taught us, I don't mean that he sat us down and told us. I don't remember him ever quoting Bible verses to me in order to teach me how to live out my faith. Sometimes, he would guide or teach with words, but more often than not, it was through his actions that he taught us. He lived all these things, day in and day out. They are who he is and have influenced and guided who we have become as a result. 

Hugging

I am not a hugger. Anyone who knows me knows that I require a lot of personal space. I have been known to cringe (subconsciously) when someone I don't know very well tries to hug me. I don't generally let people get close emotionally or physically. In the past I have been called cold and distant. And yet, I find myself changing. Is this growth? I don't know, but it sure is uncomfortable at times.
Being open with my feelings is new. A few friendships in the last few months have forced me way out of my comfort zone and it kind of freaks me out. One friend in particular has brought my soft squishy side out in full force. I have been very open with my thoughts and my feelings and in record time. Recently, when she made the word "hugger" on a word game she was playing, she screenshotted it to me because it reminded her of me. What?! ME?? She told me that she has never been hugged so much in her life (as she has by me). This is so weird and totally out of character. But I've started to wonder, is God calling me out of my comfort zone in order to love people? Most people have been hurt at some time or another. Lots of people are introverted. Some people find it hard to trust. And yet, God calls us to love and to be known for our love. It's hard to show that love from behind thick walls and barricades. Hmmm.
I find it interesting that I ended up teaching kindergarten this year. It was not really by choice, it sort of just fell into my lap. Or did it? I don't believe in luck or happenstance. If God is calling me out of my reserved introvertedness, then what better way than to put me in kindergarten? My students are hugging me and holding my hand and attached to my legs all the time. The other day, multiple students spontaneously blurted out "I love you". Kids don't really understand personal space and having them hang all over me is sort of a gentle way for me to make my personal space boundaries smaller.
Back to my friend. She actually doesn't believe me that I have personal space issues. It's like God has placed certain friends into my life that have made me act out of character. I have been so drawn to them that I can't help but hug them and love them and be anything but soft and mushy. Part of me thinks it's funny. The other part of me worries that I am going to get hurt because my usual defences are way down. Where are my walls at? But, if this is God, which I believe it is, then it must be for my best.

Serene

The first time I met her, we were at a (boring) admin meeting at BSF. She was sitting next to me but I had no idea who she was. Me being me, I made a joke and no one laughed. Except Serene. You have to understand that BSF people are so serious and sincere. I often say things just to rock the boat or to add humour, but sometimes that can go over like a lead balloon. That day, the joke was not well-received and I groaned (inside). The meeting continued and from some other comments, I gleaned that Serene was not as serious as the others. I also figured out that she thought for herself rather than simply agreeing with everything. This is not necessarily a good thing at BSF, but it's definitely a positive in my world.
The next week, after the leader's meeting, I went up to Serene, put my arm around her and said, I think we need to be friends. If you know me at all, this is COMPLETELY out of character. It's usually kids not adults that go up to each other and ask to be friends. But, I felt like I needed to do it. There are 68 leaders at the Monday meetings and I feel like most of them don't get me at all. I really like a lot of the ladies, but the friendships are quite superficial; they don't actually KNOW me. To find someone who thinks critically and has a sense of humour and doesn't worship at the altar of BSF is unusual. To find someone who also understands me and my dark, sarcastic comments is even more unusual.
I saw Serene on Mondays and some Tuesdays when the recording of the lecture was still being fine tuned. I got to know her: in person and through text. I discovered her wicked sense of humour. She made me laugh. A lot. I didn't have to censor myself around her; I told her exactly what I thought. Even when I didn't tell her what I thought, she would ask, "oh what were your thoughts? Dark ones?" I couldn't stop laughing; only someone who knows me well would think to ask that. 
And so despite the fact that I have only known her for a little over six weeks, I feel like I have always known Serene. Friends forever is such a cliche, but I can't imagine my life without her. We have gone for coffee and lunch and texted a lot. We seem to always have so much to talk about. I have hugged her more than any other friend possibly ever. I know we are similar in a lot of ways, and yet I can't quite explain this strong connection. But, I am sure that God put her in my life and perhaps that's all I need to know. At the end of the day, even if I make a list of all the reasons that I love Serene, does it fully explain why we're friends? We just are and will be forever, and that's a beautiful thing. I am so grateful.

Weekend In Hope

I spent last weekend in Hope with five girlfriends and we had the most amazing time. We ate, we talked, we sang, we played cards, we danced and we relaxed. We drove up in three cars and met at the Earl's in Chilliwack on Friday night for dinner. Apparently Elaine had been quiet and calm until I showed up. I find that hard to believe, but then again, I've never seen what she's like without me around, lol. After a great dinner, we headed to the cabin in Hope. We got settled in, decided on rooming arrangements and had some snacks. No one could bear to go to bed, so even the morning people stayed up fairly late.
I roomed with Lois. I've blogged about her before and how similar we are. It was a little creepy at times when we would have the exact same thought or reaction to something, lol. On Friday night after we'd all stayed up chatting, Lois and I were the last to go to bed at 12:30am. We were, however, still wide awake, so we proceeded to talk until 3am, lol. The next morning, we were also the last to get up. She is also like me in that once awake, she doesn't jump out of bed ready for the day. Instead, we would chat in our room even though we could hear the others downstairs. It was nice to have that time with just her since the rest of the time was filled with so much music and laughter and singing and joking. On Saturday night we were a little better and went to sleep at 2am, lol. Girls weekends are hardly the time to catch up on one's beauty sleep anyway, right?!
Elaine was definitely the wildest of the bunch. As soon as I put music on, she would start grooving; she couldn't help herself. But she also shared some painful stuff from her past which surprised me. There were some heavy conversations amid all the fun. Debra was perhaps the most touched by the weekend. She shared that she doesn't really have girlfriends and that she leads a very quiet life. This weekend was SUPER noisy and she loved it. She said afterward that now she knew what inclusion felt like. Winnie I've known the longest and we went in the sauna together and laughed a lot. She is so much fun! Her and I also drove together so we had time to chat, just the two of us. We even went for sushi on our trip home because clearly we weren't sick of each other yet. Marj could only stay for one night, but drove out by herself because she couldn't bear to miss the fun. She had made lasagna for our Saturday lunch and we had a lovely luncheon before she had to get going. Lois was funny and wise. She has had some hard stuff to deal with lately and I think (I know) this weekend was a great distraction and an opportunity to get away.
We had a lot of fun, but we also had a lot of deep discussions. We sang hymns. We read. We played games. I was completely myself and I am pretty sure that everyone else was too. That's so amazing and rare. Some went for walks and some went to sauna. Some woke up early and some slept in. Some drank wine and some didn't. I think everyone felt free to do as they pleased. There was no drama, no hurt feelings, no tension of any kind. I loved it. I've said it before, but these ladies are my tribe. I am never letting them go.

God's Mysterious Ways

God is at work all the time. We don't always see it and we often don't understand it. Sometimes things become clear, but often times we just have to accept that we don't know. Sometimes God leads us and although we don't know why, we know He is calling. All last year attending BSF in Burnaby as a member, I felt God calling me back to Ebenezer in Vancouver. I didn’t understand why, but I had a strong feeling that I should switch back to the Ebenezer class on Tuesdays and that I should return to leadership as well. I was hesitant because I really loved Susan as lecturer and I had made some great friends at the Burnaby class. Still, I felt like I needed to go back. At the end of BSF in May, we unexpectedly found out that Susan was being transferred to Vancouver and I felt like it was a sign from God that I should switch back. So, I asked to transfer back to Ebenezer.

I was fairly confident that I would get a phone call asking me to rejoin leadership. I had already felt God calling me and had already decided to say yes. But meanwhile, I had a problem. The job partner I was sharing with was wanting me to work on Mondays. Since she was in charge, I did not have any choice in what day I would be working. I was surprised and disappointed. I had thought God was calling me to leadership; I could feel it and yet it was now impossible. Maybe I wasn't called after all? I could just be a member. After discussion with the school board, I found out that Mondays were actually not allowed and I was in fact only allowed to work on Fridays. So, my work day became Friday and I felt like God was clearing a way for me to be in leadership after all.

So, I waited and after a few weeks, I got a call from Susan asking me to become a group leader. She asked me to pray about it, but when she called me back she had changed the question. She asked if I could be admin leader instead. She asked me to pray and she'd call me again after a few days. I hesitated. I was not familiar with what was involved in admin and I felt very uncomfortable. But as I thought and prayed about it, I clearly felt that I should say yes, trust God and serve wherever Susan asked me to. So, I said yes.

I believe God led me to Vancouver and to admin leadership and I think he may have multiple reasons for doing so. First, He is obviously calling me out of my comfort zone. I was very comfortable agreeing to be a group leader. I had no qualms about leading a group, but He called me to do hard, unfamiliar things and to trust Him instead. To stop relying on myself.

The other reason He called me to admin is Serene. I feel like Serene and I were meant to be friends. I am not sure exactly why, but I feel strongly that we need each other and God's timing is perfect. This is possibly the only year that this friendship is even possible. The North Shore site is a satellite this year, but may not be next year and definitely wasn't last year. With 68 leaders, there is no way I would have gotten to know Serene in any other way than through the smaller group within the admin team. I am not good with getting to know people and I already know quite a few of the leaders from before, so the last person I would expect to get to know would be someone from the North Shore. And yet, God. From the very first time I met Serene I felt a strong connection to her. This is very unusual since I am generally very slow to connect to new people. I usually have a very big personal space bubble and like to keep people at a distance. I am not very trusting or open. But, I trusted Serene from day one. She is hilarious and makes me laugh. She is sarcastic, doesn't follow rules and is an introvert. Good or bad, I am 100% myself around Serene and I feel like she “gets me”. Could she be any more perfect? 

So, from start to finish with transferring classes and having Mondays and Tuesdays off and being unexpectedly called to admin, God is at work and I am grateful. But if I've learned my lesson, can I go back to being a group leader now, lol?!

BSF

I am about to begin my 6th year in BSF and I am so excited! BSF has been one of the most life-changing things in my Christian walk. I have learned so much and I have made so many amazing friends. Yesterday, we had our leadership training session for all the leaders in the lower mainland. It was so good! Honestly, I was not thrilled with the 7am start and the thought of a 7 hour day of training made me groan. But, it was so worth it! There was worship and teaching and food and fellowship. There was so much fellowship! So much hugging and laughing and joy. It was like meeting up with long-lost family. I had thought that I would probably run into people I hadn't seen for awhile since I was switching back to the Vancouver class, but I was not prepared for the emotional reactions and the joy! There is something extra special about serving together that connects you like nothing else. I was so thrilled to see so many familiar faces. I hadn't really realized how much I had missed "my people" until I saw them again. Don't get me wrong, I loved being "just" a member for the last two years in Burnaby. I made some great friends and was able to fully absorb myself into the studies. But, it does not compare to the connection made with the Vancouver leaders. I spent two years in leadership with them, twice a week for 9 months a year. We had the leadership retreat together downtown one entire weekend, we met for coffee dates, we prayed together, we struggled with some of life's challenges together. They hold a special place in my heart and I am so happy and grateful to be reunited with them!!

Richmond Country Vines

Hidden behind Richmond Country Farms is Richmond Country Vines winery. You'd never know it was there unless you were looking for it, and really, who goes looking for wine in Richmond? What a lovely hidden gem. You'd think you had been transported to some farm in Italy complete with wandering chickens and roosters. There is an older house with a storefront where the wine tastings take place. You can sample the wines and then order a full glass (or bottle) to enjoy outside on the very large patio. There are tables, chairs, bar tables, sofas, and fire pits spread out underneath trellises and vines. There is no food served, but you can bring your own picnic lunch and hang out for however long you want.
Yesterday, I met up at Country Vines with three girlfriends. We all brought something to share for a picnic on the patio: cheese, crackers, hummus, fruit, meats, petite cakes and wine. It was the most lovely way to spend a few hours, laughing, eating and catching up. Sitting there surrounded by friends, enjoying the lovely atmosphere on a summer evening was delightful and a total escape. I'm already looking forward to the next occasion that I could plan on celebrating there...

Summer Bible Study

Where do I begin to explain what a blessing this summer's Bible study was to me? I know I've blogged about it briefly before, but I feel like I need to expand on just how wonderful it was.

First of all, the study itself was fantastic. The author had new ways of looking at things which deepened our understanding and faith. Some of us in the study have been Christians for 30+ years and yet we came away with a fresh understanding of many Scriptures. The study looked into nine major threads running through the Bible and was a very big picture outlook on God's one Big Story. It was such a refreshing change from studying the Bible piece meal, where the Big Story often gets lost in the details.
Then, there were the ladies. Our ages ranged from 20s to 70s. None of us attend the same church, and aren't even necessarily the same denomination, but it didn't matter. We came together to study, to discuss, to pray. But, also to laugh, eat and joke around. The conversations were open and sometimes vulnerable. There were some tears, but also so much laughter: LOUD laughter that apparently (according to Debra's husband) could be heard to the street, lol.
Five of the ladies were already in a study at my house last summer and five were new. You never know how a particular group is going to gel, but I feel like God called exactly this group of ladies to this particular study. The biggest examples of His guiding were Marj and Lois. I didn't really know Marj although we attended the same BSF. On the second last Friday of BSF, her discussion group combined with mine. By this time I had already started planning the summer study and was thinking about who to invite. During the discussion, I felt called to invite Marj, but there was no opportunity to do so. I didn't have it in me to walk up to her, a virtual stranger, and ask whether she wanted to come to my house for a Bible study. I prayed about it during the week.
On the last Friday, her group was with mine again, but she was sitting on the other side of the table and I thought I probably wouldn't get a chance to talk to her. But then, the group leader threw the door wide open for me when she asked, "what are you doing in the summer to keep up your Bible study?" I responded that I was holding a summer Bible study at my house. Marj jokingly said "where do you live?". The discussion continued and then came to an end. In the hallway, I ran into Marj and asked whether she wanted my address. She said no, that she was already committed to something. Upstairs, I persisted. I asked for her email and said that I would send her details for her to think about, and if she wanted to bring her friend, she could do that too. After the lecture, she came up to me and said that she'd been thinking about it and maybe she should come after all. I said I'd be in touch. Needless to say, she ended up joining the study and it was such a God thing from beginning to end; He knew we needed each other.
I didn't really know Lois either, but as I prayed and thought about who to invite to the study, I kept thinking about her. I had last emailed her in November after she'd finished (temporarily) leading my BSF discussion group. At the time, I had been sorry that our time together had been so short and had said that maybe our paths would cross again. But now it was six months later...would she even remember who I was? I decided to take the risk and email her. I half expected her to be too busy or say no, or think that I was plain weird for even asking. But, I emailed anyway. As it turned out, she said yes and it was another God thing. She was such a source of inspiration for me: her words, her example, her faith. I also felt a connection to her; it was like being with an older (better) version of myself. I've never met someone before who is so like me in many ways and yet also a more mature me, the one I aspire to be someday. God is amazing in how He brings people together and how He directs our lives and leads us to people we didn't even know were missing in our lives. He provided not only new insights into the Bible, deeper friendships, fun and laughter, food, prayer, singing...but also beautiful new friends; this Bible study was one of the best decisions I ever made!! I had put in the effort organizing and hosting, but I ended up being so blessed in the process myself.
We wrapped up with a pot luck in Lois' stunning backyard. We went over the last chapter, we prayed, we chatted and laughed for FOUR hours. Debra had even made an early birthday cake for me, candle and all. It was such a lovely afternoon and the perfect way to end the study. Going home, I was overflowing with gratitude.
That same night, I received some really bad news. The worst kind. And yet, I felt like God had been filling me up all summer, possibly for some dark days ahead. Every week with these ladies, studying God's Word together filled me up. The study was so big picture focused; we are just passing through, our true home awaits. Thank God this is not it, this is just the preface to the real story which is to come. Meanwhile, this study was in so many ways a beautiful foretaste of what awaits us.

Lois

Have you ever met someone and thought that is me in 30 years? I have, and her name is Lois. I'm not sure whether she'd be flattered or offended, but that's how I see her. She thinks like I do about things. She's a retired teacher. She gets my sarcastic humour. She is a night owl. She is not shy about her opinions, but since they're in line with mine, that's a good thing, lol. She likes to entertain and often hosts people in her home. She is loving and kind, but not the least bit sentimental or soft. She is organized and likes to get things done. Just like me.

I met Lois through BSF when she took over as the leader of my discussion group for a few weeks. She was a great leader and clearly full of wisdom. So, when I decided to host a summer Bible study, I wanted to invite her. It felt a little weird to email her after months of no contact, but I sucked it up and did it. Fortunately, she agreed to come. She knows so much about the Bible and has been a Christian for many decades. She is as solid and stalwart as they come. Her example, her thoughts and her firm faith inspire me. I see my future self in her and yet, I am not yet where she is. I have miles to walk in my faith journey, but Lois gives me hope. I can look to her and see what my future can be if I stay the course. 

My Dad

My dad is my hero. Growing up, he was pretty strict, but I always knew he loved me. Even when he was making rules, or giving me consequences, I never doubted that he was looking out for my best interests and trying to shape me into a decent human.
My dad is an engineer. For years, he designed things related to machines that make paper. If you ever asked him about it, he would pull out a paper and pencil and sometimes actual blueprints to explain his latest project. But, he's also very practical and fixes things. I always remember my grandmother telling me how he took apart their vacuum as a child. She thought it would never work again, but he fixed it and put it back together. I have called him countless times with a problem and he has shown up with his tools. One time when our freezer parts were all laying out on the kitchen table, I had my doubts, but like usual, he fixed the problem. It's no wonder then that when faced with a problem, (I) Keep Calm and Call Dad.
My dad is also a man of God. We have had many, many discussions about the Bible and faith. He has read his Bible a lot and thought about things and I respect his opinion. Sometimes, we disagree on the secondary issues, but I still respect his opinion and that he has formed it based on study; he knows his Bible amazingly well.
My dad is a man of integrity. His word is true. He is not perfect, but his heart is always for truth and justice and doing the right thing. This has sometimes gotten him into trouble because people don't always want to hear the truth and he makes no bones about it. But, you always know where you stand with my dad.
My dad is musical and loves good music. Good music to him means mostly classical and hymns. He plays the trumpet and trombone and was a conductor for years. For the last few years, he has played with the Jubilee (Salvation Army) brass band. His love of music naturally meant that all of his kids were "forced" to learn to play an instrument. I played the piano and ironically,  it was my dad who helped me with my piano lessons. My mom is the pianist, but she had no patience for listening to the "practice phase" of a song, lol. My dad doesn't really play the piano, but since he can read music and knows the basics of piano, he was the one to help me. In fact, he doesn't play the violin either, but when my siblings took up violin, he would help them too and even play along with them. They didn't figure out til much later that he didn't actually know how to play. My dad says, "I didn't have the talent, but I had the patience", lol.
My dad is self sacrificing. Growing up, we had a large family and my dad was the only wage earner for most of it. We were never in want, but I am sure that there are lots of things that he went without so that we could have nice things. He was very frugal and still is even though he no longer needs to be. (It's hard to teach an old dog new tricks as they say). When we first moved to Canada from Finland, he had to take whatever job he could find as a new immigrant. He ended up doing manual labour for the city of Richmond. He didn't love it, but supporting his family was more important. He was fortunate to get an engineering job only a few months later.
My dad is a family man. He worked long hours and was very involved in the church, but his family was always his priority. Now that he is retired, he loves spending time with his grandkids. He has spent countless hours swimming and going to sauna with my boys. I'm pretty sure both my boys know how to swim because of him. At church, when my boys would get restless, I would send them to go sit with grandpa in the front pew. They always went because sitting with grandpa and his trombone was obviously so much better. I would always know when they had spent time with my dad because they would say things like, "mom, let's discuss how this sauna was built".
My dad is also a hockey fan. He started playing ice hockey when he turned 50 and played right up until this summer. The Canucks are his team, but if we're talking world hockey, then team Finland is where his loyalties are. Canada is a close second. Don't talk to him about football though...it's hockey or nothing.
I'm so grateful for my dad. He is exactly the same person at home as he is in church and in public. My siblings and I are so blessed.

Birthday week

How can the same week be simultaneously the worst and the best? I received some devastating news this week, which I am not ready to post publicly. Suffice it to say that it's the kind of news that made me cry all week and not want to live. At the same time, I had the best birthday week possibly ever. I met up with multiple friends and I felt so loved. I guess life is a paradox because it can be terrible and wonderful at the same time.
My birthday week was made wonderful by Marj, Lois, Winnie, Debra, Mimmi, Lesley, Elaine, Crystal and Dee. In different ways, they made me feel special and seen and loved. I appreciated all the facebook birthday greetings, I really did. But these ladies went out of their way to spend time with me. They went beyond the perfunctory greeting on social media and invested TIME. I celebrated my birthday with these ladies all week. There was cake and presents and cards. There was love and hugs. Some of them I saw more than once. Like Marj. Her and I met for coffee, just the two of us. She is a very busy lady and yet, she wanted to meet with me on Monday, even though I was seeing her on Thursday as well. We had such a nice time at La Foret and I so appreciate that she made time for me. Marj was also the one to listen to me cry on the phone because as I said, this week was also devastatingly horrible. 
Dee and I had dinner on Sunday. We met in Langley and had a lovely dinner served by her son. Dee planned it and organized the details. We were both surprised when three hours had flown by.
Lois, who was hosting a pot luck on Thursday (which ended up being partly my birthday celebration) also came out to my birthday dinner on Friday. She emailed me on my actual birthday on Saturday at which point I replied that wasn't she glad she could finally stop wishing me happy birthday, lol. 
The dinner on Friday at La Trattoria was the best. The food was good, but the company was that much better. Lois told me that she hadn't been with such a "raucous" group in a long time, lol. We spent three hours laughing and eating. It was perfect.
Lesley and I went shopping on Wednesday. Our plans got changed because of traffic issues, but we ended up downtown. It was actually perfect and we both found some stuff. Lesley also came out on Saturday night with Winnie and I. I don't normally do much for my birthday and Pentti was out of town. But, Ken, Winnie's husband, who had already had Joonas all day, took Emmi in the evening as well so that the three of us could go out. Fish tacos from Tacofino and ice cream were one of the best birthday dinners ever. Wandering around on Columbia Street kid free was an added bonus.
The bottom line is that I'm grateful for the friendship of these ladies. It's obviously not about the gifts and the cards and the cake, although I kinda love those too, lol. It's about them wanting to spend time with me, in person. It's about them knowing it's my birthday and suggesting a cake for our Bible study wrap up. It's about the sentiments in the cards they gave me that made me cry. So today, on international friendship day, I celebrate these women and well up with gratitude that they are in my life.

Kelowna

I just spent six glorious days in Kelowna! Lesley invited me to join her in housesitting at her aunt's beautiful house overlooking Lake Okanagan. We drove up on Friday and I flew home last night. We did a lot of nothing. We were in our pajamas most nights by 9pm and it felt luxurious. We kept laughing at what old ladies we are, but with three kids each, getting to lounge around and do nothing was such a welcome break. We cooked, we ate out, we shopped, we went to the beach, we toured some wineries and we read books. It was so relaxing to have no schedule and no one "needing" us. Neither one of us made any demands or had any particular agenda. There was no conflict or tension of any kind. Fortunately, Lesley is also an introvert, so there were times when we were lounging on opposite couches reading. I read an article about how you know an introvert likes you when they're willing to share their (precious) alone time. That's exactly what we did. She did go out running and I did generally stay up later than her reading, but we were together A LOT. And yet, after six days, I didn't feel like I needed space. For me, that's pretty unheard of since I don't usually ever share my alone time.

 

               best tacos EVER!!                                                            view from the deck

 living room

beach day

Thursday Bible study

I love my Thursday ladies. We talk about the Bible and have some really deep discussions, but we also have so much FUN. We laugh a lot. The ladies get my humour, whether they are in their 20s or closing in on their 80s. I feel like I have finally found my tribe and like I have known these ladies forever. Thursdays have become my favourite day of the week. I look forward to seeing everyone all week and when they leave to go home, my heart is full from our time together. 

Perfect Weekend

I just had the perfect weekend in Hope with Lesley. Lesley and I did teacher ed together 19 years ago. We carpooled for the entire year and got to know each other fairly well. We're both wickedly sarcastic and have a rather dark sense of humour. We both care deeply about students and teaching but we are not soft or motherly or sweet. We kept in touch off and on as we both went off to work at different schools. But currently, we are teaching at the same school. So, a few weeks ago I asked her whether she'd be interested in a weekend in Hope. She was and so we set about planning it and actually went this past weekend. It was so good.
We drove up Friday (in her car since I hate driving and my ankle still protests long drives). The traffic wasn't too bad for a Friday afternoon. We stopped at Earls for dinner and then continued on to Hope. My parents' second home there is big enough that we had separate rooms and separate bathrooms. We chatted and then headed off to sleep. On Saturday, we took our time getting up. Then we headed into town. We stopped at Starbucks and then went to the used bookstore to browse. The bookstore is cosy and all the books are two dollars. Self control is an issue when going there, but whatever. On our way back to the house, we decided that it was a good time to visit the Othello Tunnels. The walk was beautiful and so restful. All that rushing water and trees and the clean air! Afterwards, we sat on the back patio at the house; I read and Lesley worked on some report cards. With the babbling creek in the backyard, even report cards seemed non-stressful.
For dinner, we went to Kimchi which was delicious and is our go-to restaurant in Hope. In the evening, we took turns going in the sauna. The sauna is one of my absolute favourite things about the house in Hope. This time I used eucalyptus oil and it was lovely and relaxing. 
On Sunday, after a lazy morning, we stopped at Highstreet mall on our way home. Lesley is one of my few friends who likes to shop and is good at finding the deals. Needless to say, we both left there with bags of stuff.
What a great weekend! After a rough few weeks with Emmi and some other drama in my life, this weekend was exactly what I needed. I felt far away from everything. I read, I slept, I hung out with someone who I can be myself with. There was no schedule, no agenda and no drama. We ate cheese and fruit and drank wine. We did no cooking, except the scrambled eggs I made on Saturday morning. It was so good that on this rainy Monday morning, I am still chill and relaxed and grateful. What a perfect weekend!

Bosom Friends

Female friendship is a weird thing. How do two people become friends? Why are friends sometimes very similar and other times completely opposite? Why are we drawn to some people and repelled by others? Why do some friendships feel like an immediate connection of souls and others take years to develop? It's truly a mystery to me. What I do know is that we all crave to have close friends. We want that friend who gets us, who is our "person". We all have that yearning. What's interesting to me is that even though we all understand the feeling, we don't appreciate watching those kinds of bonds forming for others...and I am just as guilty of this as everyone else.

I have had three friendships in my life where it has been really obvious that we are close and it has been equally obvious that it has created jealousy and discomfort in those around me. In high school, I became friends with Mehj. There was a lot of drama involved, not in the friendship itself, but in the reaction from others. We started to spend more time together just the two of us, than we did with the big group. This did not go over well. Even my English teacher was confounded by the friendship and I remember him commenting that it "couldn't last"; apparently we were too different. Why did he have an opinion on a friendship between two high school girls? Why did it make him and my girlfriends uncomfortable?

Two other close friendships in my life have caused similar reactions. Snide, sarcastic or even critical comments have come from unexpected people, people I wouldn't even have thought to have noticed me. People seem determined to figure out the why, how did THOSE two get so close? But if we're honest, I think it is closely related to the question: "why did that friendship not form with ME?". Because while we want close friendships, we aren't comfortable watching those friendships form around us. When one friendship seems to move beyond the others, to form a special deeper bond, it makes us uncomfortable. We feel left behind, excluded somehow. Why did things have to change; we liked things the way they were. We are simultaneously jealous and uncomfortable.  We crave intimacy and at the same time eschew it as weird and unhealthy when we observe it in others. We start to wonder whether they're glued at the hip. What could they possibly talk about? What could they see in each other that's so great? We want to understand the how and the why and therein lies the problem. We can't know. Like I said at the beginning, it's a mystery. And it can even be a mystery to those within the friendship. Sure, you can list qualities of your friend that make you love her, but at the end of the day, it's not about the list and the why can't be fully explained.
I don't have any answers. What I do know, however, is that when you find people who could potentially be part of your tribe, you need to make the effort. Even if you feel like you're the only one. Even if you feel like you're way more invested than the other person. You keep at it because friends matter; you need them. And you never know when one of those friends who you thought was more of an aquaintance could turn into a forever friend.