Bosom Friends

Female friendship is a weird thing. How do two people become friends? Why are friends sometimes very similar and other times completely opposite? Why are we drawn to some people and repelled by others? Why do some friendships feel like an immediate connection of souls and others take years to develop? It's truly a mystery to me. What I do know is that we all crave to have close friends. We want that friend who gets us, who is our "person". We all have that yearning. What's interesting to me is that even though we all understand the feeling, we don't appreciate watching those kinds of bonds forming for others...and I am just as guilty of this as everyone else.

I have had three friendships in my life where it has been really obvious that we are close and it has been equally obvious that it has created jealousy and discomfort in those around me. In high school, I became friends with Mehj. There was a lot of drama involved, not in the friendship itself, but in the reaction from others. We started to spend more time together just the two of us, than we did with the big group. This did not go over well. Even my English teacher was confounded by the friendship and I remember him commenting that it "couldn't last"; apparently we were too different. Why did he have an opinion on a friendship between two high school girls? Why did it make him and my girlfriends uncomfortable?

Two other close friendships in my life have caused similar reactions. Snide, sarcastic or even critical comments have come from unexpected people, people I wouldn't even have thought to have noticed me. People seem determined to figure out the why, how did THOSE two get so close? But if we're honest, I think it is closely related to the question: "why did that friendship not form with ME?". Because while we want close friendships, we aren't comfortable watching those friendships form around us. When one friendship seems to move beyond the others, to form a special deeper bond, it makes us uncomfortable. We feel left behind, excluded somehow. Why did things have to change; we liked things the way they were. We are simultaneously jealous and uncomfortable.  We crave intimacy and at the same time eschew it as weird and unhealthy when we observe it in others. We start to wonder whether they're glued at the hip. What could they possibly talk about? What could they see in each other that's so great? We want to understand the how and the why and therein lies the problem. We can't know. Like I said at the beginning, it's a mystery. And it can even be a mystery to those within the friendship. Sure, you can list qualities of your friend that make you love her, but at the end of the day, it's not about the list and the why can't be fully explained.
I don't have any answers. What I do know, however, is that when you find people who could potentially be part of your tribe, you need to make the effort. Even if you feel like you're the only one. Even if you feel like you're way more invested than the other person. You keep at it because friends matter; you need them. And you never know when one of those friends who you thought was more of an aquaintance could turn into a forever friend. 

Church Mothers

I had the privilege of growing up in a Finnish-Canadian church. At the time, I didn't really consider it anything that remarkable, but in looking back, it really was. One of the things that I now realize was very special was the strong female role models that I had growing up. Finnish women are strong, opinionated, and determined. The church was actually founded by two women; that alone tells you something. I knew both women growing up and they were amazing. They were already seniors by that time, but they walked for miles, they drove, they preached at church, they were forces to be reckoned with. So were the other women at my church. A lot of them worked outside the home. Many of them were educated and had degrees. Even though they were not in leadership roles per se, they were definitely leaders. There was never any question in my mind about whether they were equal to or as good as the men. I love that.
It has been said that it takes a village to raise a child. I feel like I had that village and it was full of strong women. The church mothers knew me. They encouraged me, they scolded me, they were involved. They were there for me and I'm grateful.

Old Ladies

I like old ladies. I've blogged about it before. One of my friends half jokingly said that I collect them. I don't really, but then again, do I? I've always thought myself pretty weird for befriending old ladies. Who does that as a child? Now that I am 45, it doesn't seem quite so strange, but it still isn't within the expected normal. I've always played it down or been slightly embarrassed by the fact that I have friends that are decades older than me. But lately, I have been wondering if this is actually by design. What if God created me to befriend and encourage older women? What if encouraging and walking alongside women older than me is exactly what I am supposed to be doing? In the last few years especially, I feel like there are a few older women that God has purposefully placed in my life. He may have placed them in my life to encourage me as well, but I know without a doubt that they have been "placed" and not just somehow accidentally become my friends.
This morning, I had an interesting chat with a woman from BSF. She is in her 70s. Her and I have never been in the same discussion group, but our groups have combined several times over the last two years. She is one of those people that from the first meeting I thought; I like her. Anyway. She came up to me after discussion group today and said that she has always enjoyed my sharing and that I am smart and wise and she'd like to get to know me. It was unexpected to say the least, and rather humbling. Who am I that she should say such kind things to me? But it did bring to mind again the thought that maybe I am called to this. It sounds so serious and weighty, but I really do believe that God is orchestrating and leading our lives a lot more than we think He is. He cares and he knows what we need. Maybe old ladies need me and I need them?