feelings

"I won't be formed by feelings, I hold fast to what is true." That lyric from a song we sang at church this morning stuck with me.

Feelings are king in our culture. Whatever you feel is true. Whatever you feel cannot be wrong. If your feeling changes, then you should definitely react accordingly. If you no longer feel love for your spouse, you should walk away because you should always feel happy. Everything should be based on your feelings. Not on responsibility, or commitment, or the creation order or anything or anyone else. Definitely not on God.

But guess what? Feelings are a terrible, shaky foundation to build your life on. I am an anxious overthinker. My feelings have in fact often been completely WRONG. I don't want to be in control based on my feelings. I want an unchanging solid foundation that is unshakeable no matter how I am feeling.

So, instead of feelings, I hold fast to what is true, as the song says. God is the creator of the universe. He is in control and He sets the rules. He loves me and knows infinitely better than I do what is best for me. The end.

Family

Today we celebrated (my nephew) Oskar's 1st birthday. This time the family celebrations included the extended family for the first time since COVID. I had not seen my aunts and uncles for three years!! It was so good to see them and catch up. I am so blessed to live near family and that our relations are so harmonious. My family is amazing and I am grateful.

PS. My sister in law Mimmi made the cake and it was delicious!!!

childhood friends

Childhood friends are something else. I met up with some friends today that I have known since we moved to Canada when I was 4 years old. We know each others' siblings, parents and we even knew each others' grandparents. There have been marriages and babies and jobs and pets and everything else that fits into decades of friendship. We are not super close anymore and we don't see each other that often. But, the bonds are unbreakable.

ten days, ten books

I don't feel like doing the ten days, ten books challenge on Instagram. Instead, I thought that I would post some answers here all at one go. Because I DO love books.

Favourite book from childhood: SO MANY, but Anne of Green Gables if I have to choose just one

Best book I had to read for class: Jane Eyre

Interesting book club pick: The Da Vinci Code

Shaped my worldview: Mere Christianity

In my favourite genre: anything by Louise Penny

About my home: Spit Delany's Island

Made me feel less alone: Pippi Longstocking (in grade 3 my teacher read it aloud and it was the first time I had heard of anyone else anywhere being named Annika)

I really want to read: Book Lovers by Emily Henry

23 years

It's our anniversary today. I am grateful for 23 years with Pentti. It has not all been perfect and rosy, but I know without a doubt that he is the one that I am meant to spend the rest of my life with, that God brought us together. 

We had such a lovely dinner at Gotham Steakhouse. Everything was perfect. The food was delicious and our waiter was funny. But, when we returned to our car in the parkade, someone had smashed our passenger side window. I was struck by how fitting it was. 

I know that sounds weird, but it struck me how our evening so perfectly reflected on the highs and lows of marriage. How we could on the same night have a wonderful meal and an annoying inconvenience. How we were happy and carefree one moment and frustrated and annoyed the next. 

All relationships, but especially marriage, is full of highs and lows, excitement and the ordinary, fun and routine. It is truly a blessing to find someone who sticks it out through all of it. For better or worse, that's really what it boils down to. And for better or worse, I choose him.

books

Today's writing prompt: what was the last book that took you by surprise and why.

I recently discovered Frederick Buechner. He died last week and some of the writers and bloggers that I follow had commented on what an impact his writings had made in their lives. So, I went to look. I took a few of his books out from the library. How had I never heard of this man before? I have read a few pages and I'm totally in love with his writing. He writes reflections on literature and faith and art. The back cover of one of his books describes him thus: "Pay attention says Buechner. Listen to the call of a bird or the rush of the wind, to the people who flow in and out of your life. The ordinary points you to the extraordinary God who created and loves all of creation, including you. Pay attention to these things as if your life depends upon it. Because, of course, it does." Wow. One thousand percent yes.

Friendship

A blogger I follow asked recently what makes a good friend when someone is NOT in crisis and that got me thinking. I've always thought true friends were the ones you could call on in the middle of the night when something horrible happened. But, maybe I have been thinking about this all wrong. Maybe true friends are actually the ones who are there during the mundane, boring, everyday times. Because really, how often do those crisis moments happen? Hopefully not often; most of life is made up of the mundane, the everyday, the uneventful.

So maybe the regularly scheduled Tuesday meet up when there's nothing special going on is actually the bigger blessing. Because I do think that close friendship requires doing life together. That includes the middle of the night crisis moments, but it should also include the ordinary. And so I am grateful for the friends who include me in their ordinary and who are there for my boring moments. They are the ones that I can be myself around. They are true and good and constant.

anticipation

What am I looking forward to before the end of August?

Seeing my brother Henry and his wife Ruut. I have blogged in the past about how much I like spending time with them. How well the four of us get along. How much my kids really like them. So, I won't get into all that again. I'm just really looking forward to seeing them after not seeing them for two years. Spending time with them is easy. Going back to yesterday's question about being myself...I can definitely be myself around them! I look forward to listening to music together, cooking together, hanging out on our deck, playing poker, having deep discussions and so much more....I can't wait!

 

Feeling Like Myself

Today's writing prompt asks where do I feel least like myself. The honest answer is not a place, but around certain people. I feel least like myself around certain people. Not because I morph into someone different, but because I get very quiet and don't feel safe to really be me. I am sarcastic, I have dark humour, I complain about people a lot. I don't tolerate stupid. And there are certain fluffy, sweet people I know who would probably start praying for my dark soul if I let them see the real me. So I don't. 

As I've gotten older, I choose my company more carefully. I no longer make time for people who I can't be myself around. I am living the last year of my 40s and I wouldn't go back to any other decade. No way. I feel way more comfortable in my own skin than I ever have. Yes, I am sometimes misunderstood or seen as antisocial when I refuse to attend certain events. But I don't care. I'll happily stay home in my pajamas and be myself.

Vancouver

So, I'm failing with this daily blogging challenge...lol. Oh well, it's summer and I refuse to have guilt over it. I'll just write when I can.

The other day I went to the Sunflower festival in Richmond. It was a bit early since it wasn't even officially open and some of the flowers were still budding. But, it was virtually empty, which was perfect. There was a wagon ride to the fields complete with a singing tour guide. It was great. 

Yesterday, I went out for dinner with a childhood friend. We sat on the terrace at Seasons in the Park and then we walked around Queen Elizabeth park and admired all the flowers. 

I also watched the sunset at two different beaches on two different nights this week. Unobstructed views of the sun setting, right off the ocean.

All that to say, I live in such a beautiful place. The greenery and the gardens and parks in BC are magnificent. When I was away in the States, I realized once again the beauty of BC. But not only that, but also how good we have it here. Our tourist attractions are actually quite spectacular. Granville Island is better than the famous market we went to in Boston. Van Dusen and Queen E are better parks than the gardens we toured in Providence. We are spoiled here.

self-care

 My favourite self-care practice is my prayer app called Lectio 365. It makes me feel grounded and hopeful. There are Bible verses, some thoughts, some background music. There is a different one for every morning and evening. I especially like the closing (evening) prayer:

God of all seasons, the sun has set, the night has gathered in, my soul sinks slowly into your rest, trusting now in the resurrection to come. Amen

Engage

Today's writing prompt is the word "engage". It makes me think of all the plans that I have for my classroom in the fall. I think my number one goal is to engage the students: to make learning fun, to make them love reading, love school, to think, to ask questions. One of things that I am planning is a celebration on Fri Sept 23rd for Open The Magic day. Open The Magic day is actually on Sept 25th, but that falls on a Sunday this year, so I'm going to do it on the Friday. It's a day that celebrates books and reading and "confetti moments". I think it'll be a great way to start off the year and hopefully inspire even those somewhat reluctant readers to love books.

I already know that some of the students in my upcoming grade two class are behind in reading. Generally struggling readers do not love reading because it's hard and there isn't much joy in sounding out those (boring) early readers. But, loving books can make all the difference! One boy in my class last year was struggling. But, he REALLY loved this one picture book that I read out loud to the class. So, he kept at it (unbeknownst to me) and one day he came up to my desk and asked if he could read it to me. He read me the whole book!! It was a rather challenging book for a grade one, even one who wasn't struggling. But, that's what books can do. Great books make you want to be able to read them.

And seeing kids develop a love for books and reading is what inspires me. In fact, just thinking about it makes me excited for school to start. But, I'll try to enjoy the rest of summer first...lol

Sit

My favourite place to sit in the summer....I actually have a few. And it depends who I am with or if I'm alone. If I'm alone, then it's my deck or my living room sofa. I need a lot of time alone to recharge, and those are my two favourite places for that.

Outdoors, my favourite is anything with water nearby, whether the creek in the backyard of the house in Hope or the ocean at the beach. I love the sound of water. I love crashing waves. I love the peace of mind it brings. If there is a beautiful sunset, even better!

Yesterday, my friend and I walked around Ambleside. There was an arts festival and food trucks and live music. Honestly, we were just there for the Thai food, but it was cool. We got our food and sat at the beach and watched the sun go down. It was lovely.

The taste of August

August tastes like:

-fresh, sweet corn

-plump, juicy blueberries

-pie made with gathered wild berries

-nectarines, peaches, plums

-new potatoes

-chilled wine outside

-fragrant basil picked from my patio

-unhurried morning coffee

-tomatoes!!!

Pace

Today's prompt asks what is my pace this season and how do I feel about it.

My pace is slow. Leisurely. And I love it. Summer holidays is definitely one of the advantages of teaching and I make no apologies. I have very little on my schedule that requires alarm clocks and that's just the way I like it. Waking up and enjoying my coffee with all the time in the world makes my day.

I was worried, however, when I went away with my friend recently. We had travelled together before, but not as a tourist thing where we booked hotels and had itineraries etc. I wondered how we'd travel together. You just never know what kind of tourist someone will be until you're somewhere being touristy. Would she want an agenda that maximized all the possible sights? Would she want to get an early start so we could see as much as possible? Would our schedule be chock full and exhausting? Fortunately, our pace was perfect. We did things every day, but we were never rushed or having to wake up at the crack of dawn. In fact, we were both quite happy one evening when it rained and we "had" to stay in. It was lovely to not have to go anywhere. I should've known that it would all work beautifully, but you just never know....

Observe

I'm starting a new blogging challenge for the month of August. Each day (assuming I stick with it) I'll get a prompt telling me what to write about. Since I love writing but am often stuck for ideas, I'm happy to be given a word or idea and then seeing where that takes me.

So, today's word is "observe". I have a few thoughts about this. First of all, I think observation is a lost art. To really stop and notice things and people around you. Do you know how many people feel invisible because those around them aren't observant and are instead completely focused on self? Seeing people matters. Seeing nature matters. It's one of the things I really try to drill into my students, especially when we're outside. What do you see? Hear? Smell? What fills you with wonder? 

I think deeply connected to observation is quiet. If you're babbling a mile a minute, you can't possibly be very observant. You're missing out. I read somewhere that if you're talking, you're sharing what you already know. But if you're listening, you're learning. Of course this exposes my deep introverted way of thinking, but it doesn't mean I'm wrong.

As to what I've been observing lately on a personal level, it is the extravagant lavishness of God's creation. I was recently on vacation on the east coast and now as I write, I'm at our cabin in Hope. The variety in creation amazes me. God could've created one kind of tree and one kind of flower. Instead He created hundreds of varieties in various shades and colours and for no other purpose than for His glory and for us to enjoy. He is extravagant in His abundant provision for us. Going back to the creation story in Genesis, you can notice many references to "all"...That was the original plan, that we'd live in perfect harmony with God and all of creation and that we'd have all we could ever need. The fact that this is not our present reality is not part of the plan. But, we live with the assurance that He is making ALL things new. Meanwhile, even in the brokenness, there is much beauty and goodness to observe, if you open your eyes (and maybe occasionally shut your mouth...lol)