Awhile back, I came across an analogy of a key ring, with different friends holding different keys and different amounts of keys to who you are. The writer said, "I have friends that hold the keys to different doors of my personality". I've been thinking about this analogy in light of the friendships in my life and which keys I have given to which people. Keeping in mind that all analogies fall apart at some point, here is what I have come up with.
Some people only get one key. Circumstance brings us together and they get that key, whether it's choir or Bible study or work. If the friendship grows, they get more keys as I share with them more than that one thing. But, most people just get the one. That means that when whatever brought us together ends, so does the friendship. It doesn't take away from the good times we had together, but the friend no longer has any keys. This is actually a helpful way for me to think about those friendships that have ended. I was initially really hurt by one such friendship that has completely faded into the distance. But reflecting on what we shared, it makes sense that there is just nothing there anymore. We spent a lot of time together. We had fun. But it was all centred around this one key. I couldn't give her the key to my sense of humour because she doesn't understand it. I couldn't give her the key to spiritual discussions because she wasn't interested. She could only open one door to my personality/life and now that key doesn't exist anymore.
Some people get keys by default. My family knows my history and we have a lot of shared memories. They will be in my life forever, no matter what, so they automatically get a key. But even within family, there are certain family members who I would also consider very close friends. They have a lot more keys than those for which family/history is the only key. Pentti obviously gets a lot of keys because I spend the most time with him. We have built a whole life together, so he has had a major influence on which keys even exist in the first place: our kids, my career, our home etc. But, to quote the same article, "it's ok if our spouses don't have every key. How could they? It isn't a failure if they don't open every single door of who you are". Anyway, he's a guy and there are just some keys he is better off not having and he'd be the first to tell you so.
My closest friends need to have certain keys. If you don't understand my sarcasm, my dark humour, my introvertedness and my desire for God, then it is not possible for you to be a close friend. These things are non-negotiable. Without these things, I can't actually be myself. If I can't be myself, then why would I let you into my inner circle? On a side note, I am tired right now. Tired of COVID, tired of no church, tired of zoom, tired of people. I am unwilling to make time for people who don't have multiple keys. If I have to explain myself to you, if I have to work too hard to have a conversation with you, it's just not going to happen right now. Sorry; I am exhausted. But, I digress...
My best friend has all the keys. I think sometimes she wishes she didn't, haha. She doesn't necessarily understand some of the things I share with her. I think sometimes she looks at a key I have handed her and tries to give it back....lol. We are after all, two very different people. She hates shopping and doesn't get that part of me at all. Our cultures are quite different and not something that we really talk about much. But, I have chosen to give her all the keys because she is my best friend. I want to share everything with her because she is my person. I don't expect her to know what to do with all the keys, but I give them to her anyway.
