Feeling Sad And Yet Grateful

I was very lucky to grow up in a Finnish Canadian church. It was a close knit community and a large part of what made it so wonderful was the bonds between the different generations. I was surrounded by peers, but also their parents as well as lots of grandparents. As immigrants, the grandparents weren't always ours, but they were older church people who formed an integral part of the community. Sometimes they were older people who gave us candy, and other times they were older people who scolded us for laughing and passing notes in church. Either way, they were an everpresent part of my childhood and shaped me into the person I am today.
So, what to do when there are less and less of those pillars still standing? Yesterday, I was at the memorial of yet another strong pillar from my Finnish community. I understand that it is part of the cycle of life and that every generation probably worries about what will happen when the older and wiser people are all gone. But really, what are we supposed to do? We have huge shoes to fill. 
I think back to one of the older ladies I knew growing up. She was actually one of the church founders and one of the strongest women I have ever known. I think back to my grandfather who was full of integrity and a zeal for learning. I think back to one of the (many) pastors we had stay at our house who was one of the wisest people I've ever known, but also a wicked Scrabble player with a fabulous sense of humour. I think back to my best friend's dad who was also a force in the world of education and shaped my thinking and education in many ways. All these people and many more are gone. It makes me sad and nostalgic but also tremendously grateful. I got to grow up around these wise, exemplary, generous people and have them shape my life. Hopefully the next generation (including me) steps up and tries to fill some of the gaping holes left behind by these wonderful people.

Team sports

We had our ball hockey team wrap up party last night. It was at coach Joe's house and it lasted more than SIX HOURS! There were lots of kids and lots of parents and it was great fun. We had food, we talked, we laughed. It made me realize that a great sports team is so much more than talented players. A great team really comes together when the kids become friends and the parents have fun together and the coaches find the right balance between being competitive and pushing the kids, and yet being supportive and encouraging. It sounds like a tall order and it is. No team is ever perfect and there is always room for improvement. But, when a team does come together and everyone has a great time, it makes the whole experience from start to finish so much more memorable. I'm going to miss seeing the ball hockey kids and parents...

Friday night musings

"Age has given me what I was looking for my entire life-it has given me me. It has provided time and experience and failures and triumphs and time-tested friends who have helped me step into the shape that was waiting for me. I fit into me now. I have an organic life, finally, not necessarily the one people imagined for me, or tried to get me to have. I have the life I longed for. I have become the woman I hardly dared imagine I would be."
So...I am turning 45 in a week. Part of me is freaked out. Forty five just sounds so OLD. And yet, given the choice, I would not go back to any other decade of my life. I love my forties and like the quote above puts it so well, I have become the woman I hardly dared imagined I would be. I am still a work in progress, evolving and growing, but I finally feel like I am comfortable in my own skin and living the life I was meant to live.
I know that I am lucky and I am grateful every day that I get to love where I am and what I am doing. I have written about my love for teaching before, so I won't get into it here, but I know how blessed I am to be doing something that I feel like I am good at and meant to be doing.
I have three great kids and a supportive, loving husband. I have great friends, a church that I love, a caring family, two parents who are still married and in fairly good health. I am grateful for all of them, but I am also thankful that they are all supporting me in becoming more me. This sometimes comes at a price in that they challenge me, disagree with me or downright annoy me. Herein lies the dichotomy because although I want to be fully "me", comfortable in my own skin, I also want to grow and change and be challenged. So I have carefully surrounded myself with a tribe who does just that. And that makes me happy. I am finding joy in my journey; I'm happy where I am, but also happy with where I am going.