Powell River

We just got back from a glorious vacation to Powell River. I had rented a big beach house that fit three families comfortably, so we went up with my brother and his wife and my sister and her family joined us for the weekend. Renting from airbnb you aren't always sure what you'll actually get, but this place was way better than any of the pictures and beyond our expectations. There was a huge kitchen with everything, a hot tub, beach, hammock, rope swing, kayak, huge deck AND the place was sparkling clean! We had morning coffee on the beach listening to the waves of the ocean, we chilled, we relaxed, we read, we played Scrabble, we collected shells, we saw wildlife...it was kind of the dream vacation. I'm not sure what else I can say that adequately describes what a great time we had, so I'll just finish this post with a few pictures.

Feeling Sad And Yet Grateful

I was very lucky to grow up in a Finnish Canadian church. It was a close knit community and a large part of what made it so wonderful was the bonds between the different generations. I was surrounded by peers, but also their parents as well as lots of grandparents. As immigrants, the grandparents weren't always ours, but they were older church people who formed an integral part of the community. Sometimes they were older people who gave us candy, and other times they were older people who scolded us for laughing and passing notes in church. Either way, they were an everpresent part of my childhood and shaped me into the person I am today.
So, what to do when there are less and less of those pillars still standing? Yesterday, I was at the memorial of yet another strong pillar from my Finnish community. I understand that it is part of the cycle of life and that every generation probably worries about what will happen when the older and wiser people are all gone. But really, what are we supposed to do? We have huge shoes to fill. 
I think back to one of the older ladies I knew growing up. She was actually one of the church founders and one of the strongest women I have ever known. I think back to my grandfather who was full of integrity and a zeal for learning. I think back to one of the (many) pastors we had stay at our house who was one of the wisest people I've ever known, but also a wicked Scrabble player with a fabulous sense of humour. I think back to my best friend's dad who was also a force in the world of education and shaped my thinking and education in many ways. All these people and many more are gone. It makes me sad and nostalgic but also tremendously grateful. I got to grow up around these wise, exemplary, generous people and have them shape my life. Hopefully the next generation (including me) steps up and tries to fill some of the gaping holes left behind by these wonderful people.

Team sports

We had our ball hockey team wrap up party last night. It was at coach Joe's house and it lasted more than SIX HOURS! There were lots of kids and lots of parents and it was great fun. We had food, we talked, we laughed. It made me realize that a great sports team is so much more than talented players. A great team really comes together when the kids become friends and the parents have fun together and the coaches find the right balance between being competitive and pushing the kids, and yet being supportive and encouraging. It sounds like a tall order and it is. No team is ever perfect and there is always room for improvement. But, when a team does come together and everyone has a great time, it makes the whole experience from start to finish so much more memorable. I'm going to miss seeing the ball hockey kids and parents...

Friday night musings

"Age has given me what I was looking for my entire life-it has given me me. It has provided time and experience and failures and triumphs and time-tested friends who have helped me step into the shape that was waiting for me. I fit into me now. I have an organic life, finally, not necessarily the one people imagined for me, or tried to get me to have. I have the life I longed for. I have become the woman I hardly dared imagine I would be."
So...I am turning 45 in a week. Part of me is freaked out. Forty five just sounds so OLD. And yet, given the choice, I would not go back to any other decade of my life. I love my forties and like the quote above puts it so well, I have become the woman I hardly dared imagined I would be. I am still a work in progress, evolving and growing, but I finally feel like I am comfortable in my own skin and living the life I was meant to live.
I know that I am lucky and I am grateful every day that I get to love where I am and what I am doing. I have written about my love for teaching before, so I won't get into it here, but I know how blessed I am to be doing something that I feel like I am good at and meant to be doing.
I have three great kids and a supportive, loving husband. I have great friends, a church that I love, a caring family, two parents who are still married and in fairly good health. I am grateful for all of them, but I am also thankful that they are all supporting me in becoming more me. This sometimes comes at a price in that they challenge me, disagree with me or downright annoy me. Herein lies the dichotomy because although I want to be fully "me", comfortable in my own skin, I also want to grow and change and be challenged. So I have carefully surrounded myself with a tribe who does just that. And that makes me happy. I am finding joy in my journey; I'm happy where I am, but also happy with where I am going.

Older and Wiser

A friend recently asked if I have any friends who are younger than me. I took her question's subtext to mean whether I had any friends who weren't over 60. Funny, and for the record, the answer is yes. But, the truth of the matter is that I have quite a few close friends who are, in fact, over 60. Friendships happen for all kinds of reasons and I don't walk through life actively seeking friends, young, old or in between. But, I do often become friends with women older than me and this has always been the case.
One of my dearest friends is in her 70s. We became friends when we both worked at Eaton's. She took a risk one day and asked me whether I wanted to have dinner. I say risk, because extending an invitation to someone beyond the "circle" where you met is scary and could lead to rejection. Anyway, I accepted and we went out for dinner and it was great! I think she may be the only person who fully understands my dark, sarcastic side...who reads as much as me and who has an opinion on fixing the world which is close to mine. Obviously, she's a genius, lol.
One of my newest friends is from choir. Call it luck or providence or fate, but my spot in the soprano section ended up being next to her. She is funny and real and there is no pretense there. I love spending time with her and we laugh a lot. I can be myself and say what I think; I don't think there is anything that I wouldn't tell her. That's another thing about older women, they aren't shocked by what my unfiltered self blurts out. Or if they are, it doesn't phase them, lol. The stereotype of older ladies is the disapproving granny with the wagging finger. But, I actually find that to be more true of my peers. Oh, you don't feed your kids organic food? What, no swimming lessons? You let your kids play video games? You don't record every second of their music performance on your phone? Do you even love your kids??? Older women are much more big picture people. My choir friend has messaged me more than once about what a good mom I am. That's so much more encouraging and helpful than all the judgement from my peers.
Another close friend I met through church. This time I was the risk taker and invited her and her husband over for tea one evening. It wasn't risky in that I didn't think they'd say no, but it's not common for young couples to invite old couples to their house for tea. It seems a little weird. Like what could we possibly have in common? Anyway, they came over and it was a lovely visit. The wife and I became very good friends and she is one of the wisest women I know and not for the reasons you might think. She told me hilarious stories about herself and how she used to take things so seriously and some of the mistakes she had made. I'd like to think that I learned a lot from her.
And this brings me to one of the reasons that I tend to gravitate toward older ladies. They seem to have a much better perspective on life. They don't get tied up in knots over the little things because through experience, they understand what matters. One of my favourite authors has said, "Elderly woman know everything there is to know about everything there is to know." I don't think that that is quite true, but it's sure truer for someone who's 60 than for someone who is 20.
But, I think the biggest reason that I have lots of older friends is that they live wide open. This is not true of all older people, but it is of the ones that are my friends. They aren't out to prove anything, they aren't overly sensitive, they don't get hung up on small things. They embrace the ordinary and enjoy life for the fleeting breath that it is.

"When I die, I want to be wide open,
I don't want to be tight-fisted,
holding on to grudges or regrets.
I don't want to have my back up because I'm
still
defending the wall I've built
and the trenches I've dug and the
invisible
lines I've drawn.
When I die, I want to go wide open."   ~Deidra Riggs

Are you trying to drift your way to holiness?

I have come to a startling conclusion: wanting to get closer to Jesus is not enough. The desire itself is noble and one that is hopefully shared by all believers, but it doesn’t actually produce a closer walk with Jesus. Growth does not happen by accident, osmosis or magic; it is hard work.

I don’t know how many years I spent wanting to grow in my faith without really praying or reading the Bible regularly. Now that I think back, it sounds ridiculous. But there I was not reading my Bible, not really praying, filling my time and my mind with “other” things and yet thinking that somehow by magic each year would bring me closer to Jesus. I think that I thought that I could “drift my way to holiness” like one preacher put it. I didn’t.

For four years now I have attended a weekly in-depth Bible study. It has involved daily homework and weekly lectures and discussions. I have learned a lot and I have prayed more than ever before. I feel like there has been real growth in my life. But it hasn’t been easy. Praying and studying the Bible require effort. In the past, I admit that I have sometimes thought that “prayer warrior types” are specially gifted from God to pray. And in some ways, they probably are, but they still need to put aside time to actually pray; that requires sacrifice.

Yes, we need grace and it’s all grace, even the growth that may occur in my life. However, even though “grace is opposed to earning, it is not opposed to effort” (Dallas Willard). I can’t earn my way to heaven, but I do need to put in the time and the effort to grow.

BOOKS!!

I am a total book nerd. I love reading! I read all kinds of fiction and non-fiction, fluff and serious books. What really gets me excited though, is a book that is well-written, in that the author has a beautiful way with words. I've read some engrossing books where the story has been worth reading, but the writing itself has been pretty awful. This is too often the case with YA fiction, which I do read sometimes.
Anyway, right now I am reading a book called Lillian Boxfish Takes A Walk. I love it for its story, but also for the author's mastery of language. I laughed out loud on the weekend as I was reading and came across these gems:
"Extending hospitality to all, even to the most cloddish, truly is the basis of civilization. The fact that the most cloddish, having nothing better to do, always show up and spoil the party for everyone else probably spells civilization's ultimate doom."
"Among the many unsurprising facts of life that, when taken in aggregate, ultimately spell out the doom of our species is this: People who command respect are never as widely known as people who command attention."