Thursday, August 28, 2008

Commiseration

My mommy friends were over today with their kids. It was great!! The kids played (all five of them) and the moms sat around drinking coffee. Thankfully our kids play fairly well together, so that we can actually sit down and have coffee, rather than spending the entire 2.5 hours chasing after fighting kids. Yes, there was some noise, and running, and the occasional squabble about a toy. But overall, we could relax and let the kids play.This is no small feat when you consider that there were five kids (all mobile) in a small space peacefully co-existing. But I have decided that it comes down to the parenting....
Friends are important at any time in your life, but I think that they are absolutely crucial if you are at home with little kids. And I think "mommy" friends are the only friends that really need to be somewhat like-minded, or at least on the same page when it comes to parenting styles. I will never bond with the hippy moms who let their kids run wild, because I find it exhausting to parent their kids on top of my own. I will never bond with the super active moms, because come on, I will never go hiking up the Grouse Grind with one of my kids in a back pack. Why would I when I can call over one of my likeminded mom friends and sit on my butt drinking coffee and eating fresh-baked brownies instead:) I will never become close with the "perfect" moms, the ones who pretend that they are never frustrated and are full of platitudes about the loveliness of children. And I will never understand the partygirl moms whose kids seem to be an afterthought and a hinderance to their clubbing and drinking.
The moms I am friends with are educated and have had careers. They like to read, a lot. And yes, they STILL read even though they have kids. Because either you are an avid reader or you aren't. If you stop reading because you have kids, you are not an avid reader. Avid readers can't live without reading. Books, real books. But I digress. My mom friends love good food, and in most cases, are culinary geniuses themselves (although this is not a requirement...lol). They set boundaries for their kids and they try to provide stimulation and creative outlets. They also see the value of play and arrange regular playdates for their kids. They don't freak out if your house isn't spotless, because theirs isn't either. They always show up at your door with something to eat so that you don't have spend your morning baking up a storm (unless you have a particularly strong craving for brownies like I did this morning....) But most of all, they are just real. Real women who talk about real feelings. Frustrations, lack of sleep, being underappreciated, husbands, kids, work, cooking, books, current events.

So, I am so grateful to have found mommy friends who make my life better. I have known these particular moms since Matias was less than 1. Our kids play nicely and we can just hang out and commiserate. And when we're done, the world just feels like a better, lighter place.

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