DON’T/DO

I am no hippie parent. I believe in using the word “no”. However, I do find it more effective and useful to phrase things in the positive for my kids (and students). Rather than saying, “don’t jump on the couch”, I prefer to say “the couch is for sitting, please sit down”. HOWEVER, there are things that I have had to just outright forbid.There is just no way to put a positive spin on, “don’t sit on your brother”. Here is a list of some of the other rules that I can’t believe that I have had to make around here. In most cases they have NOT been put positively, either because I was freaking out about the behaviour and my first instinct was to yell “NO. Stop that”, or because my sleep-deprived mommy brain was just running low on creativity and no inspired positive statements came to mind.
-don’t pick up garbage or gum on the street and put it in your mouth
-don’t play in the toilet bowl
-don’t jump head first off the sofa
-don’t eat your shoes
-don’t pull all the toilet paper off the roll
-don’t shove your mouth so full of food that you gag
-don’t lick the grocery cart handle
-don’t teach your brother to spit
-don’t dig through random people’s purses
-don’t eat…hand cream, glue, diaper cream, playdough, toys, paper, cds, keys, makeup, tools, remotes, cell phones etc etc
And many more that I am forgetting. If you think of a positive spin for any of these, feel free to let me know…

Things We Didn't Know

Things I wish I had known about Pentti:
-he HATES vegetables, to the point of being unreasonable (refusing, for example, to even TOUCH celery)
-his need for a better, faster computer is unending
-he thinks that laundry magically travels from the floor to the laundry basket
-he is color blind, but doesn’t know and/or admit it (there is no other explanation)
-he sticks to diets with annoying tenacity
-he hates washing cars
-he thinks cleaning of any kind is unnecessary and therefore a waste of time
-he is allergic to the sound of the vacuum (using one himself would probably cause convulsions)
-he drives the speed limit (who does that????)
-he “saves” clothes for wearing the next day (therefore not putting them away), but then takes fresh ones in the morning anyway
-he has trouble locating his keys, shoes, socks, pants, cell phone, key card and whatever else he needs when leaving for work in the morning
-he likes to wear fleece pants; ALL the time
-he likes Mr. Bean
-he hates classical music and jazz
-he doesn’t like the taste of coffee
-he thinks corn is only suitable for pigs
-he likes to watch Poker (probably likes watching paint dry too-I haven’t asked)
-he leaves a trail of loose change (falling out of his pockets) wherever he goes
-he thinks greeting cards are stupid
-he likes small towns
-when he says he’ll do it soon, he will forget before “soon” comes

Things Pentti probably wishes he had known about me:
-everything needs to match; ie no soap dispenser at all in the bathroom is better than one that doesn’t match
-what I eat at any particular meal depends on what I FEEL like eating. Sometimes this leads to lots of driving around trying to find something that I am in the mood to eat
-I love veggies and salads and prefer them over meat
-I am not low maintenance; I would rather be late than not shower
-you can never have too many pairs of shoes
-I can tune out the entire world when I am reading
-I squeeze the toothpaste and all other tubes from the middle
-I follow traffic laws very selectively
-I treat all Hallmark created holidays as near-religious occasions
-when I ask for his opinion, I usually have an idea of what I would like that opinion to be
-I don’t have a sense of humour (for his jokes specifically)
-I’ll be ready soon, means at least 8 minutes
-I require indoor plumbing at all times

Leadership

I have been thinking a lot about leadership lately. I guess with a new president in the States, leadership is sort of a hot topic right now. I have also been evaluating some of the leaders that have been in my life, whether at school or at church or in the workplace. Granted I am a fairly critical person, but there sure is a lot of bad leadership out there!! So, I have compiled a list of the qualities that I think make for a good leader.
APPROACHABLE: This is huge. If a leader is not approachable I consider the “game” lost from the word go.
HUMBLE: I don’t mean meek, or subservient, but I definitely DO mean, NOT arrogant. A lot of people seem to be leaders, not in order to lead, but so that they can have power. Power-hungry people are never humble and rarely accommodate anyone else in their singular quest to run everything and be everything.
WISE: And I don’t mean all-knowing. Wisdom sometimes means admitting you don’t know something or letting someone else handle something.
DELEGATORS: Knowing the right people to ask, and being the kind of leader who inspires others to do their part. Doing everything yourself is stupid. Enough said.
FIRM: Spineless noodles need not apply.
FLEXIBLE: Life happens.
COMPASSIONATE: If you don’t care about me, I don’t care about your ideas.
INSPIRATIONAL: Leaders inspire change. They make people want to become better versions of themselves.
Notice that missing from my list are knowledge, degrees, awards and the like. Although they are great, they are not necessary.
When I think back over all the leaders that I have known, only two fit this criteria. They are VM and MV. If you know me at all, you can figure out at least one, if not both of them. If you don’t know me, it’s not important who they are. Just know that good leaders do indeed exist.

My Life In Numbers

My life is that of an ordinary mom. Here is what an average day consists of:

2 loads of laundry
1 running of the dishwasher
10 times telling Matias to be careful around the baby
15 times saying, “please stop yelling and use your inside voice”
3 bottles of milk to prepare
5 meals/snacks
3 cups of coffee (more on a bad day)
5 dirty diapers
8 dressings and/or undressings of uncooperative children
20 minutes spent chasing around children who don’t want to change their pants, put on socks, or shoes, wear jackets, or hats, or change into pajamas
12 toys I trip on
15 “car crashes” in my living room
8 toddler-preschooler "disputes"
3 wardrobe changes
10 screams/prolonged bouts of crying (mostly Joonas’)
72 kids books on the living room floor (I counted!)
3 toy repairs
2 tantrums
2 spills of milk or food
8 “negotiations” with a 3 year old
5 hugs
2 I love yous
12 funny things my 3 year old says
20 laughs
3 kisses
25 smiles
3 readings of “Peek-a-Moo”, the latest favourite
1 walk outside stopping to look at every rock, leaf, twig, bug, fire hydrant etc etc

When I am an old lady...

When I am old, I shall wear long flowing caftans and elastic waist pants. I shall read all night and sleep until noon. I shall drink coffee and tea without abandon and eat ice cream and peanut butter. I shall not worry about calories or fat grams or the size of my rear.
I shall have lunch with those who are my friends and not even waste a coffee on those who are not. I shall have people over even if my house is not spotless and use my very best dishes. Even on a Wednesday.
I shall not worry about what others think of me. I shall say what I think and not care about political correctness or subtlety or useless chitchat.
I shall travel to all the places that fascinate me and not feign interest in the ones that don’t. I shall wake up each morning glad to be alive and ready to try something new.
I shall go to concerts and lectures and plays and walk out if I am not enjoying myself.
I shall buy myself flowers. Fresh ones. Every week.
I shall get my hair dyed whenever I want and not worry about making the colour last. I shall have regular massages in my own home. I shall take everything that requires ironing to the dry cleaner. I shall dance in the street and sing in the store. I shall play the piano and go to Spain to brush up on my Spanish. I shall burn candles when I want to, even if it’s summer.
I shall take classes on cake decorating, sushi-making, writing, Italian, yoga, painting, photography and whatever else captures my fancy. I shall not thereafter feel any pressure to decorate a single cake, make a single sushi roll, write a single letter, speak any Italian, do any yoga, paint any pictures or photograph anyone. Unless I feel like it.
I shall meet with my book club which we shall rename The Broads of Bibliophilia. I shall order all the books I want from Amazon to come straight to my door. I shall read all those books that sit on my bookshelf waiting: War and Peace, Don Quixote…
I shall not call my kids and/or grandkids with annoying questions or to tell them the minute details of my elderly life. I shall not expect to be visited, but shall be happy and content if and when I receive visitors. I shall not judge others, but give them the freedom to be themselves.
When I am old, I shall be me. But better.
PS. The picture is of my late paternal grandmother. She was an awesome lady.

Thanks

“I would maintain that thanks are the highest form of thought, and that gratitude is happiness doubled by wonder.” ~G.K. Chesterton

If G.K. Chesterton was correct, then there isn’t much high level thinking going on these days. The simple act of saying “thank you” seems to be dying and it really bugs me. I have purchased gifts for birthdays, baby showers and retirements. I have wanted to buy the gifts and have put (at least some) thought into buying them. To have the gift never even acknowledged, let alone thanked for is rude and inconsiderate. Finnish people are especially lacking in this area, but then their whole thank you card philosophy is different. In Canada, when you send a thank you card for a wedding gift for example, you mention the specific gift and how you will use it. In Finland, you DO NOT mention the gift because that is considered rude. Why? I have no idea!! I have actually received Finnish “thank you” cards where the couple did not even sign the card. Just a picture and two words of text: thank you. How personal and full of thought (not).
Of course here in the land of Hallmark, there is sometimes a tendency to go to the other extreme. There are cards for every conceivable (and inconceivable) occasion. Sorry about your bad hair cut, congratulations on your dog's first birthday...there are probably even “thank you for the thank you” cards. But I still find that preferable to the silent treatment of the ungrateful. Anyway, even in Canada, despite the plethora of cards available, thank you is becoming a foreign concept. Not only do people not send cards, they don’t even verbally say thanks. A phone call or even an email is the very least you could do when you are in a debt of gratitude.
I am no model for anything, but I really try hard to say thanks when I am given something or someone helps me out. In fact, I make it a point to send handwritten cards whenever possible. Obviously I sent out thank you cards for our wedding presents, baby shower presents, and baby gifts. But I also hand wrote cards for all the “teacher gifts” I received. Even if I hated the gift, I wanted the student (family) that gave it to me to feel like I appreciated the thought and the gesture behind the gift. I guess that’s what it boils down to for me-showing your appreciation for another person. Thank you for thinking of me and spending your money on something you thought that I would like. Or, thank you for being so thoughtful as to do “x” for me, or to make “x” for me. Like G.B stern says, “Silent gratitude isn’t much use to anyone.”

The Christmas Pageant

I was really really hoping that our Christmas pageant would be canceled on account of the snow. Well, it wasn’t. Here’s what went down.
A few minutes before the beginning of the pageant, we did a head count. We were missing three shepherds, five angels, one sheep and the baby Jesus (doll). First things first, we had to find a baby Jesus. After all, the nativity isn’t really worth doing without a Jesus. So, we (Tanya and I) frantically searched the church for a doll that we could use. The options we found were as follows: Barney, a teddy bear, Strawberry Shortcake, a boxing glove, and a Caillou doll twice the size of any of the kids in the play. No “normal” dolls to be found. We decided that the teddy bear was the least “offensive” and proceeded to wrap him up in the so-called swaddling clothes, hoping against hope that Mary (who was played by a four year old) would not unwrap the baby Jesus (and expose our fake)…
Next, we had to figure out what to do about the missing players in the play. The angels didn’t really matter that much since we still had two left. Granted, two angels hardly make for a "multitude of heavenly hosts", but it was still better than none. The missing sheep was okay, but there were no shepherds. Sheep definitely need a shepherd, especially since our actors were all under four and the shepherds we had assigned were older and meant to lead the sheep. Besides, the angel of the Lord didn’t exactly proclaim anything to a bunch of grazing sheep. So, downstairs to find someone willing to play a shepherd with no rehearsal and to tend to some very unruly sheep (Matias being one of them). After being turned down twice, I managed to rope in one of the youth (who saw it as his ticket to get out of singing later ;) So, crisis averted; we had a shepherd. Now, to find him a costume….
Tanya tries her key in the locked door behind which are all the costumes. Guess what? The door doesn’t open. I’m not kidding. The key that worked last week, doesn’t work today. Now the mad dash looking for people who have keys who may be able to open the door, as the clock ticks closer and closer to 5pm, when the service begins. After trying multiple keys, trying to pick the lock and pry it open, we manage to get it open and get the costumes. At this point, we peek into the church to see whether things have started. They haven’t, but some of the kids are playing behind the manger scene and one kid is taking hay from the manger and throwing it around the “stable”. Oh well, no time to go down there and stop her, so we just hope that there is still some hay left on which to lay the baby Jesus.
So, we round up the kids and try to get them into their various costumes. One room+six excited kids changing into costumes=NUTS! I manage to grab a storybook from the Sunday School room, so that once the kids are dressed, they can sit on the floor “listening”. Once everyone is dressed, more or less, we head downstairs. We wait in the hall for our cue. I am literally holding the kids back so they don’t all charge into the church before the choir has even finished singing. Joseph keeps saying that he is first. No one can stand in front of him in the line. The sheep keep pushing to get to the front…
Finally, it’s our turn. The music is cued and Mary and Joseph enter the church with baby Jesus tucked safely in Mary’s arms. They enter nicely and even remember to lay Jesus down in the manger. Next come the sheep. The shepherd leads the way. I whisper to the sheep as they enter the church, “remember to crawl”, since sheep are four-legged animals. The first sheep goes the wrong way, but realizes his mistake and finds his spot. The second sheep tries to crawl, but keeps getting stuck. Poor kid, his costume is too big and he can’t move his legs. Finally, after some adult intervention, he makes his way to centre stage. The third sheep upon hearing my advice, says “no thank you” and proceeds to walk on two legs. She decides to act out the lost sheep rather than the nativity scene and proceeds to sit at the back of the stage on a chair (waiting to be “found” I presume).
The angels come out. No problems there. Well, unless you count the fact that the sheep aren’t quite resting at centre stage like they are supposed to be. The angels make their proclamations and exit the stage. The shepherd and sheep go straight to the manger instead of off stage (I guess they found a detour to get to Jesus faster). The angels reappear and head to the manger as well, picking up the “lost sheep” on the way, who has spent the whole play sitting at the back…
Everyone is at the manger scene. One of the sheep picks up Jesus. Oh well. The kids proceed to sing. You can actually hear them; wow. Of course one of the angels is standing with her back to the audience in the front, but at least she is focused on Jesus… And then it’s over. The kids stumble their way out of the church. We take the kids upstairs, take off the costumes, get dressed and that’s it. We are done and can breathe a sigh of relief that despite everything, the play had some semblance of order, that the kids actually sang and didn’t merely stare at the audience and that no one had a last minute meltdown refusing to go on stage. The baby Jesus did accidentally get left behind in the manger at the end, but oh well. It could have been worse...