I am not a hugger. Anyone who knows me knows that I require a lot of personal space. I have been known to cringe (subconsciously) when someone I don't know very well tries to hug me. I don't generally let people get close emotionally or physically. In the past I have been called cold and distant. And yet, I find myself changing. Is this growth? I don't know, but it sure is uncomfortable at times.
Being open with my feelings is new. A few friendships in the last few months have forced me way out of my comfort zone and it kind of freaks me out. One friend in particular has brought my soft squishy side out in full force. I have been very open with my thoughts and my feelings and in record time. Recently, when she made the word "hugger" on a word game she was playing, she screenshotted it to me because it reminded her of me. What?! ME?? She told me that she has never been hugged so much in her life (as she has by me). This is so weird and totally out of character. But I've started to wonder, is God calling me out of my comfort zone in order to love people? Most people have been hurt at some time or another. Lots of people are introverted. Some people find it hard to trust. And yet, God calls us to love and to be known for our love. It's hard to show that love from behind thick walls and barricades. Hmmm.
I find it interesting that I ended up teaching kindergarten this year. It was not really by choice, it sort of just fell into my lap. Or did it? I don't believe in luck or happenstance. If God is calling me out of my reserved introvertedness, then what better way than to put me in kindergarten? My students are hugging me and holding my hand and attached to my legs all the time. The other day, multiple students spontaneously blurted out "I love you". Kids don't really understand personal space and having them hang all over me is sort of a gentle way for me to make my personal space boundaries smaller.
Back to my friend. She actually doesn't believe me that I have personal space issues. It's like God has placed certain friends into my life that have made me act out of character. I have been so drawn to them that I can't help but hug them and love them and be anything but soft and mushy. Part of me thinks it's funny. The other part of me worries that I am going to get hurt because my usual defences are way down. Where are my walls at? But, if this is God, which I believe it is, then it must be for my best.
