"Sometimes, celebrating, enjoying, and laughing seem almost inappropriate in a world as broken as ours. We look around and see panic on the faces of everyone we see. Tragedies become ordinary. How, in good conscience, can we laugh and celebrate and eat pizza? I believe we must celebrate-because our celebration is one the most effective weapons we have against the darkness of our day. It is taking the time to document the sweet memories, traditions, stories made together." Sally Clarkson
The last couple of months have been full of celebrations. Not elaborate parties or expensive trips or anything "grand", but celebrations nonetheless. I have gone to Hope three times, which is my happy place. The moment we turn off the highway, I breathe a little deeper. Two of those trips were with a friend and were the best therapy I could ever get. We did all the same things we always do, except we did a lot more walking along the beautiful tunnels and we binge watched The Chosen. I loved every second. The third trip was with my sister and her kids, Emmi and my mom. Granted, that trip was a little less relaxing than a girls weekend, but it was so great to chat with my sister and for Emmi to play with her cousins.
I have actually seen my extended family three times this summer. I didn't see most of them at all for over a year, which it turns out was long enough to miss them, lol. We had a get together at my brother's, one here for Emmi's birthday and one for my two nephews. They were casual and there was lots of food. But more importantly, it was just so nice to sit around and laugh and talk and catch up.
I have also caught up with some of my friends that I haven't seen very much, if at all, in the last year. The joy of laughing and talking and spending time together reminds me I am not alone and there are lots of good people in my life. I may have forgotten that all those times when I was sitting at home on my couch in the last year.
Because as it turns out, I've also had a lot of anxiety the last few months. I am not sure if it's always been there under the surface and COVID brought it to out, or if the events of the last year and a half have brought it on as something new. Either way, I have been anxious about a lot of things. And unfortunately, a pandemic allows for lots of extra time to reflect and sit around thinking. I also tend to be an overthinker and a pessimist; it is not hard for me to get caught in a spiral of negative thinking that is most unhelpful. So, there have been a lot of dark days. But there has also been a lot of soul searching about things I want to change and what really matters, so it's not a total wash.
And that brings me back to the opening quote. I have blogged previously about how I try to search for beauty and joy in every day. But, I am also making a deliberate effort to "laugh and celebrate and eat pizza" because it really does pull me out of the darkness. I have also gotten even more selective about who I spend time with. I have a limited amount of time and although there are lots of lovely people I would normally have coffee with, I just haven't had it in me to get together. Hopefully if things ever return to normal, I will catch up with those friends too. But for now, I am choosing to feed my soul and keep my circle very, very small.
