Making A Difference

We must not in trying to think about how we can make a big difference, ignore the small daily differences we can make which, over time, add up to big differences that we cannot often foresee. Marian Wright Edelman
I love that quote. I think it’s much harder to be noble in the small daily things in life. When someone cuts you off. When you have to wait in line. When your kids are screaming and fighting. When someone offends you. When you get left out. These are the everyday moments when you could really make a difference. These are the moments when you could practice being the better person. Because it’s often these moments that someone remembers later and comes to say; I was so rude and you still smiled, that really moved me. Or I hurt your feelings and you still invited me to your house. Etc.
Because let’s face it, there aren’t THAT many big moments in our lives, and we don’t become better people in the abstract, by just thinking about it. We make a difference in little ways in the everyday moments. Or we don’t make a difference at all.

Mark Twain said that “You are about as happy as you make up your mind to be.” I think that’s true even though I often forget to apply it to my own life. I was reminded of it again today when I was on facebook. Heh. I know, I spend way too much time there, especially after Pentti bought me an iPod…
Anyway, I came across the picture above and it brought me to tears. Doesn’t the woman look happy? Doesn’t it make you want to smile just looking at her? Well, she has had a lot of hardship lately. Her husband died a little over a year ago and her health has been a major issue. In fact, she ended up having both of her legs amputated and now sits in a wheelchair. More recently, she fell and broke her arm and had to be in the hospital for weeks. I don’t know about you, but my face would probably not look like that if I were in her place. And yet, she looks content. And happy.
So, I am reminded once again that even if my life seems to be in chaos daily and the kids are screaming and crying and fighting, I am STILL as happy as I make my mind up to be.

Play time

This is a candid picture of Matias stalking Sophia. She lives a few doors down from us and they play really nicely together (most of the time). I’ve tried to tell Matias that it’s not nice to sit in front of someone’s kitchen window staring, but he doesn’t seem to get it. In his mind, he is just waiting for his friend. It’s actually really cute. Some days he comes home to report to me that he looked in the window at Sophia’s but there was nothing/no one to be seen. Other days he has actually rung their doorbell and asked whether Sophia can come out to play. Despite the fact that Sophia’s mom may sometimes get tired of the little stalker outside her window, it’s really nice to live in a community where your child can actually go outside and ask someone to play like we “used” to do in my youth. These days everyone seems to be so busy and over- scheduled that good old fashioned child initiated outdoor playtime is rare. Instead, moms schedule playdates carefully on calendars between swimming lessons, preschool, language school, soccer etc. I am really glad that Matias can walk (or bike) a few doors down and ask the neighbour’s kid to play.

De gustibus non est disputandum

The title is Latin for the age old saying that there is no accounting for taste, or that personal preferences are not debatable. And yet…some people just have incredibly bad taste. I don’t claim to be a doyenne of style, but lately I have see things that scream such tackiness, that I am forced to comment…
I totally understand that particularly in today’s economy, people are trying to save money. I totally get that. But that is the number one misconception about style-that you need to have money in order to be stylish. For example, I recently had lunch with a friend at Seasons in the Park in Queen Elizabeth Park. As we sat there sipping coffee, we saw a bridal party having their pictures taken. Again, I understand that a lot of people don’t want to spend their downpayment for a house on their wedding. But the bride had a bouquet of (assorted) flowers still wrapped in cellophane, probably picked up from some random corner grocery store. And no, it wasn’t tied with raffia. I wouldn’t be surprised if the $6.99 price tag was still stuck on the cellophane. If, on the other hand, the bride had wanted to be stylishly thrifty, she could have had one rose, or calla lily, or even a cheap bouquet from the corner store, but in ONE colour, and UNWRAPPED, with maybe some ribbon? And while I’m on the flower thing…if you know you don’t have good taste (some people actually recognize this fact), always buy bouquets that are one colour. They ALWAYS look better and more expensive than the mismash bouquets that include every colour of the rainbow. Personally, I think that white bouquets with different shades of white and pale yellow always look the most expensive and classy. But that’s just me.
A while back I visited some people who had recently renovated their bathroom. They had chosen a colour theme of browns and yellows. Not my first choice of coulours, but whatever. Imagine my surprise when the guest towels featured in the bathroom were blue and white. I know that not everything has to match, but come on. Blue and white? Towels are not that expensive. Wouldn’t you want to keep the (questionable) colour theme of your bathroom going to complete the look? Pentti thinks I’m crazy because everything needs to match, but really, blue and white towels are just an eyesore. Not only that, there were also elements of red and green and yellow in that bathroom. Don’t get me wrong, there is such a thing as eclectic style and I love it. But you need to be extremely fashion savvy in order to pull it off. I am not nearly confident enough in my sense of style that I would imagine mixing modern with traditional, with French country with asian style.
Now, perhaps you think I am being overly critical and that everyone should be happy in their own home with their own style(s). True enough. But for most women I know, they want to make their homes nice and stylish, and quite frankly, want other people to admire them. So, it matters. And for the record, when in doubt, always go monochromatic. Pick one or two colours and stick with them. In everything. Down to the towels and the toothbrush holders.
White socks. They should just be banned, unless you are working out or work construction or something and need to wear sports socks. Otherwise, pitch them. Especially if they have holes, or have become a dingy shade of grey. No excuses. White socks that aren’t sports socks, should not even exist. Trouser socks in white? Don’t do it, not even if you are wearing white pants.
Staff lunches, appreciations, retirements etc. Assuming again, that one wants to save money and have a lunch in the staffroom, you can go the tacky route or the classy route. Tacky would entail mismatched vinyl tablecloths scrounged up from the back of some cupboards, perhaps with a Christmas theme. Lunch would entail everyone bringing a potato and some fixings, with everything served in their original plastic containers. Tacky would mean minimal effort and it would show. On the other hand, I went to a staff lunch at another school one afternoon. I forget what they were celebrating, but it was classy. The effort was also minimal and cheap and yet, the effect was completely different. They had decided on a French café theme. The tablecloths were still vinyl and probably from the dollar store. But they were red and white checked with matching red napkins. Diana Krall was playing softly on the cd player in the background. The lights had been turned off (you know-those glaring fluorescent ones) and there were candles. The sandwiches were in little baskets lined with red and white napkins. The cost of both parties was probably roughly the same, but what a difference a little thought makes.
By the way, if you are reading this blog, you needn’t worry. It means you are probably my friend and that means that you have style.

Exercise

I don’t have time to exercise. However, recently I read an article from Today’s Parent about how moms actually get lots of exercise. Here’s my workout regime:

Running: to and from the car as I try to make it to Matias’ preschool on time, after Joonas in any store where I dare to let him out of the stroller and he proceeds to touch and lick and destroy everything within a 20 foot radius

Squats: putting laundry in the machine, switching it to the dryer and then pulling it out to fold it.

Stairclimbing: We have two flights of stairs in our townhouse and everything I need is always two floors away. Always. Plus, when I climb to the third floor to get something, I have been known to get distracted and come all the way back down without said item…so, back up the stairs I go.

Weightlifting: carrying multiple bags of groceries from the car (usually all of them as long as my arms don’t get ripped out of their sockets), lifting/holding/carrying Joonas, lugging the 10kg sacks of flour and sugar out of the cupboard and back again

Lunges: every time I spot one of the boys (usually Joonas) with the cell phone, remote, laptop, cordless phone, or a knife, hanger, or any of the various tools we have lying around right now.

Jumping/Grooving/Dancing: We listen to the Wiggles a lot around here. Matias jams on his guitar and can sing along to most of the songs. I am often ordered to groove along, or at the very least, to watch him.

DON’T/DO

I am no hippie parent. I believe in using the word “no”. However, I do find it more effective and useful to phrase things in the positive for my kids (and students). Rather than saying, “don’t jump on the couch”, I prefer to say “the couch is for sitting, please sit down”. HOWEVER, there are things that I have had to just outright forbid.There is just no way to put a positive spin on, “don’t sit on your brother”. Here is a list of some of the other rules that I can’t believe that I have had to make around here. In most cases they have NOT been put positively, either because I was freaking out about the behaviour and my first instinct was to yell “NO. Stop that”, or because my sleep-deprived mommy brain was just running low on creativity and no inspired positive statements came to mind.
-don’t pick up garbage or gum on the street and put it in your mouth
-don’t play in the toilet bowl
-don’t jump head first off the sofa
-don’t eat your shoes
-don’t pull all the toilet paper off the roll
-don’t shove your mouth so full of food that you gag
-don’t lick the grocery cart handle
-don’t teach your brother to spit
-don’t dig through random people’s purses
-don’t eat…hand cream, glue, diaper cream, playdough, toys, paper, cds, keys, makeup, tools, remotes, cell phones etc etc
And many more that I am forgetting. If you think of a positive spin for any of these, feel free to let me know…

Things We Didn't Know

Things I wish I had known about Pentti:
-he HATES vegetables, to the point of being unreasonable (refusing, for example, to even TOUCH celery)
-his need for a better, faster computer is unending
-he thinks that laundry magically travels from the floor to the laundry basket
-he is color blind, but doesn’t know and/or admit it (there is no other explanation)
-he sticks to diets with annoying tenacity
-he hates washing cars
-he thinks cleaning of any kind is unnecessary and therefore a waste of time
-he is allergic to the sound of the vacuum (using one himself would probably cause convulsions)
-he drives the speed limit (who does that????)
-he “saves” clothes for wearing the next day (therefore not putting them away), but then takes fresh ones in the morning anyway
-he has trouble locating his keys, shoes, socks, pants, cell phone, key card and whatever else he needs when leaving for work in the morning
-he likes to wear fleece pants; ALL the time
-he likes Mr. Bean
-he hates classical music and jazz
-he doesn’t like the taste of coffee
-he thinks corn is only suitable for pigs
-he likes to watch Poker (probably likes watching paint dry too-I haven’t asked)
-he leaves a trail of loose change (falling out of his pockets) wherever he goes
-he thinks greeting cards are stupid
-he likes small towns
-when he says he’ll do it soon, he will forget before “soon” comes

Things Pentti probably wishes he had known about me:
-everything needs to match; ie no soap dispenser at all in the bathroom is better than one that doesn’t match
-what I eat at any particular meal depends on what I FEEL like eating. Sometimes this leads to lots of driving around trying to find something that I am in the mood to eat
-I love veggies and salads and prefer them over meat
-I am not low maintenance; I would rather be late than not shower
-you can never have too many pairs of shoes
-I can tune out the entire world when I am reading
-I squeeze the toothpaste and all other tubes from the middle
-I follow traffic laws very selectively
-I treat all Hallmark created holidays as near-religious occasions
-when I ask for his opinion, I usually have an idea of what I would like that opinion to be
-I don’t have a sense of humour (for his jokes specifically)
-I’ll be ready soon, means at least 8 minutes
-I require indoor plumbing at all times