In the last few years, there have been some people in my life that I have felt called to mentor or guide. For some reason they have looked to me to guide and/or support them in their faith journey. I have tried my best. Unfortunately, it turns out I can't change anyone. I am not in charge of or responsible for what lessons others are here to learn, or not learn as the case may be. I am happy to share what I have learned. I love a good discussion. I will encourage you, point you to resources, send you links, pray for you and answer your questions. But I won't hold your hand. And I won't spoon feed you. Ultimately, the work is up to you. And if I notice that you are not actually following any of my advice, even though I know you know it's the right thing. Or if I notice that you are depending on me to the extent that you are not putting in any effort yourself, I will stop trying. I can't carry the burden of your growth on my shoulders. This may sound harsh, but I can't grow on your behalf. This has actually been a very hard lesson for me because I care about the spiritual growth of my friends. A lot. But there have been too many friends in my life who have done nothing to grow spiritually. We have had discussions, they know the importance of community and prayer and Bible study. We have agreed on what needs to change and yet they have done nothing. I have gotten frustrated with them, angry even. But at the end of the day, you have to want to change. You can know all the right things to do and not do them. And that's on you. For me, I want each day to bring me closer to the person that I want to become. It's that simple.
Thursday, February 25, 2021
Growth
My friend Mehj is wise and a lot smarter than me. She has given me sage advice more than once and she is probably the most thoughtful person I know. We became friends in grade 11 and have remained so for decades. One thing about her used to make me wonder though. She's a teacher too and I remember her often saying (usually in reference to her then boyfriend) that she was not here to facilitate anyone's growth. I would laugh, but wonder how she could say that, especially as a teacher. Isn't our main purpose to facilitate the growth of others? I finally get it all these years later.
In the last few years, there have been some people in my life that I have felt called to mentor or guide. For some reason they have looked to me to guide and/or support them in their faith journey. I have tried my best. Unfortunately, it turns out I can't change anyone. I am not in charge of or responsible for what lessons others are here to learn, or not learn as the case may be. I am happy to share what I have learned. I love a good discussion. I will encourage you, point you to resources, send you links, pray for you and answer your questions. But I won't hold your hand. And I won't spoon feed you. Ultimately, the work is up to you. And if I notice that you are not actually following any of my advice, even though I know you know it's the right thing. Or if I notice that you are depending on me to the extent that you are not putting in any effort yourself, I will stop trying. I can't carry the burden of your growth on my shoulders. This may sound harsh, but I can't grow on your behalf. This has actually been a very hard lesson for me because I care about the spiritual growth of my friends. A lot. But there have been too many friends in my life who have done nothing to grow spiritually. We have had discussions, they know the importance of community and prayer and Bible study. We have agreed on what needs to change and yet they have done nothing. I have gotten frustrated with them, angry even. But at the end of the day, you have to want to change. You can know all the right things to do and not do them. And that's on you. For me, I want each day to bring me closer to the person that I want to become. It's that simple.
In the last few years, there have been some people in my life that I have felt called to mentor or guide. For some reason they have looked to me to guide and/or support them in their faith journey. I have tried my best. Unfortunately, it turns out I can't change anyone. I am not in charge of or responsible for what lessons others are here to learn, or not learn as the case may be. I am happy to share what I have learned. I love a good discussion. I will encourage you, point you to resources, send you links, pray for you and answer your questions. But I won't hold your hand. And I won't spoon feed you. Ultimately, the work is up to you. And if I notice that you are not actually following any of my advice, even though I know you know it's the right thing. Or if I notice that you are depending on me to the extent that you are not putting in any effort yourself, I will stop trying. I can't carry the burden of your growth on my shoulders. This may sound harsh, but I can't grow on your behalf. This has actually been a very hard lesson for me because I care about the spiritual growth of my friends. A lot. But there have been too many friends in my life who have done nothing to grow spiritually. We have had discussions, they know the importance of community and prayer and Bible study. We have agreed on what needs to change and yet they have done nothing. I have gotten frustrated with them, angry even. But at the end of the day, you have to want to change. You can know all the right things to do and not do them. And that's on you. For me, I want each day to bring me closer to the person that I want to become. It's that simple.
