Calling someone out is super uncomfortable and awkward. On the one hand, it's none of my business and who am I to say anything? It's not like I have it all together, so how could I possibly call out someone else? And what if I blow up the friendship in the process? Is it worth it? What if she doesn't want to hear it and gets offended? What if she takes it as an opportunity to air out all her grievances about me? What if the friendship becomes awkward and uncomfortable? What if I can literally feel the the other person moving away from me both physically and emotionally? What if her back goes up and she blows up, or worse, turns cold and distant? Calling someone out could go wrong in a million different ways.
But. If I love someone, am I obligated to speak? Am I really being a good friend in being silent? Does unconditional love mean never saying hard things? What if I feel like the Holy Spirit is prompting me? Do I have a choice if I want to be obedient?
The amplified Bible says: "Faithful are the wounds of a friend [who corrects out of love and concern], But the kisses of an enemy are deceitful..." (Prov 27:6). Fake friends who will only tell you things you want to hear are a dime a dozen. Sure, it can feel nice to be complimented and patted on the back, but how much weight do those words carry? Is a friend who always supports you in doing "whatever makes you happy" actually giving you sound advice? Personally, I would rather have one deeply honest friend who sometimes corrects me than dozens of superficial friends who don't challenge me. Even though it's not always pleasant, I would rather have a friend who disagrees with me, and calls me out and loves me enough to tell me the truth. And I would hope that I would be willing to take the constructive criticism for what it is. I get that this is hard; no one likes to be corrected and I can be pretty sensitive. But, I am most likely to listen to the opinions of a trusted friend. And if I want to grow, surely that will involve some discomfort.
Despite the risks, I can't be any other kind of close friend than an honest one. I have called people out and I will continue to do so even though some friendships have imploded as a result. It isn't easy. If taking criticism is hard, so is giving it. The more I love the person, the harder it is to say something and everything in me wants to keep quiet. But, I can't. And if I'm really honest, I don't think I should.
In the words of Charles Spurgeon:
True friends put enough trust in you to tell you openly of your faults. Give me for a friend the man who will speak honestly of me before my face; who will not tell first one neighbour, and then another, but who will come straight to my house, and say, "Sir, I feel there is such-and-such a thing in you, which, as my brother, I must tell you of." That man is a true friend; he has proved himself to be so; for we never get any praise for telling people of their faults; we rather hazard their dislike; a man will sometimes thank you for it, but he does not often like you any the better.
