Are you familiar with the phrase, "my person"? It comes from the tv show Grey's Anatomy. It's like a grown up version of BFF. It's the person in your inner circle. The one you want to text when something happens, good or bad. It's the one you make time for no matter what. Your confidante. The one person who gets to know the real you. The person who you know will remain even if you have a disagreement. The person who will show up for your walk/lunch date even if your relationship is currently awkward and uncomfortable.
My question is: can your relationship with your "person" ever be completely uncomplicated and easy? I have lots of easy, drama-free friendships. But. They aren't close. We have fun, we chat, but they don't actually know me. I don't tell them my inner most thoughts. I don't generally challenge them even when I think their thinking is wrong. These friendships are pleasant, but superficial. If they moved, or circumstances changed so that keeping in touch was challenging, our friendships would probably fade.
But my "person" is forever. We have fun and laugh a lot. But she also listens to me cry. She gets to hear about my frustrations. She hears my thoughts on things which may challenge her; I don't hold back with her. She also gets to see the ugly insecurity and other things lurking beneath the surface; things that I keep hidden from other friends. This can sometimes lead to some discomfort or annoyance. It doesn't always feel like a blessing to get to know someone warts and all. It's also a highly vulnerable place when you share the real you; the chance for rejection is so much greater. I read recently that "love that's truly cruciform, is truly vulnerable enough-that the heart can get hurt." And that's the catch, you can get hurt. Studying Judas from the Bible last week, I paused to think about Jesus loving him despite knowing how it would turn out. He knew He'd be hurt and betrayed in the worst way, and He loved anyway. But, what's the alternative? Keeping your walls up and letting no one in? That sounds safe, but also very lonely.
Yes, the risk can be great. And you might get hurt. There might be misunderstanding, or even frustration. But the gain is so much greater too. Having a close friend makes life so much better. Regardless of tension or disagreements, your friendship will survive because it's not possible for it to end. In fact, it may actually grow stronger during a conflict. Because knowing that she will show up even if she's annoyed is a beautiful thing. It confirms that because she is my person, we will get through anything. There is no alternative because my person is my person forever.
So, in answer to my own question, no it isn't always easy, but things that are worth having rarely are. Yes, it can get complicated sometimes, especially when you're navigating between two very different personalities. But it is absolutely worth it.
"Those people that are still with you at the end of the day, those are the ones worth keeping. And sure, sometimes close can be too close. But sometimes, that invasion of personal space, it can be exactly what you need." Meredith, Grey's Anatomy
