Do you think people would accept you if they knew who you really are? I thought I was the only person who would answer no to this question, but apparently this describes a lot of people. Apparently there are a lot of people who are scared of letting down their walls for fear of rejection. Who knew? Why are we all so scared? No wonder we are lonely. No one REALLY knows us. I read a quote, "You can't build a friendship with someone who's heart you can't see". Oh. Well, that kind of explains all the loneliness then doesn't it? We're too scared to share our hearts and as a result we don't have true friends, or we think we don't because they don't really know us after all.
Well, my word for the year is SECURE. I've been reflecting on it a lot because it's not a word that I would use to describe myself. People who don't know me well probably think I am very confident and secure. What can I say? I am a good actress. But the truth is, I often don't feel like I am enough. Not smart enough, or pretty enough or thin enough or funny enough or cool enough or spiritual enough or....the list is endless really. But what is enough? Is there even such a thing? How is it measured? Am I even a good, impartial judge for any of these things? I'm sure you can guess that the answer is a resounding NO.
So, I've decided to be secure. Secure in who I am, and what I am. I am a work in progress. I have issues. I am impatient. I am not good at keeping my mouth shut. I am too sarcastic. I have black and white opinions and I share them. I have an old lady living inside of me who hates noise, annoying children and dumb people. I have baggage from friendships that have gone south. But. I am also fiercely loyal. I am thoughtful. If I love you, it's with my whole heart. I am friendly but my circle of close friends is actually extremely small. Love me or leave me, but I am choosing to be secure and enough. It's a choice I'll have to keep making because there are a lot of people who keep trying to show me that I am not enough.
