What do you do when the people you've known your whole life, who've helped shape you into the person you are, start to die? I know that it is the cycle of life and that once you get to a certain age, death of the generation before becomes more commonplace. But that doesn't make it any less sad or heartbreaking.
I've blogged before about how blessed I was to have grown up in the Finnish church that I did. It was a vibrant, solid, loving environment that I am so grateful for to this day. In its heyday, the church had about 200 members and I knew every single one. And they knew me. There were generations of families attending the church and I was lucky in that my grandparents from both sides went to the church, as did my cousins, aunts and uncles. But it wasn't just my relatives that were my family. The older people were grandparents to everyone and the parents of my friends were also in many ways parenting me. The sense of community was strengthened by our commonality as immigrants from Finland. The church was familiar and safe and loving. There were some old people who scolded us for running in the sanctuary, and for drawing and whispering during church. There were other old people who secretly gave us candy and made us feel loved. There were the church ladies who cooked at our overnight camps and the countless Sunday school teachers and camp counsellors who taught us and nurtured us and guided us. I have so many memories from church, kid's camp, church picnics, conferences, playdates between morning and evening service. I really was brought up by a village.
Two of my closest friends growing up at church had fathers who deeply influenced me. One was my friend Ingrid's dad. I spent a lot of time at their house and we had a lot of conversations around their dinner table. For a while there was a running joke that I was obviously coming over since they were serving chicken. I don't know how many times Ingrid and I lugged the spare mattress down to her room in the middle of the night and inevitably banged the gate at the top of the stairs on our way down. Her dad, Jack, was such an understanding man. I always felt welcome and cared for and like he was interested in what I had to say. Jack was very active and well known in the Richmond School board where I was going to school. His opinions influenced me a lot. By the time I was in high school, he was the superintendent of schools. He came to my graduation and actually left his seat on the stage to give me a hug when I got my diploma. I will never forget that. Unfortunately, Jack died years ago, gone too soon.
My friend Susanna's dad was the pastor of my church growing up. It is largely because of him that the church was so vibrant and Biblical. Erkki was one of those stalwart, solid Christians who was unwavering in his principles. He was not a man of compromise and I really admired that about him. He was steadfast and solid and spoke his mind. But he was also really friendly and had a great sense of humour. In fact, he seemed to always be smiling or laughing when I saw him.
Erkki actually renewed his pastor's license just so that he could marry Pentti and I almost 22 years ago. Before he would marry us, we had to go through marriage counselling with him. I can't remember how many sessions there were, but he was interested in guiding and counselling us in our lives together, which I thought was beautiful. But even better than any counselling session was having observed his marriage with his wife throughout my whole life. They had a beautiful marriage and everyone who knew them saw it. On one of their anniversaries he rewrote the lyrics to a familiar tune and sang it to his wife at a party. I often saw them out for walks in the neighbourhood clearly enjoying each other's company.
Erkki died two weeks ago and I feel like he was the last pillar of that generation of people from my church. Who will fill the shoes of these spiritual giants? It feels like the end of an era. And yet, even though I am sad, I am also so, so grateful. I have been surrounded by positive, loving father figures my entire life starting of course with my own dad and grandfather, but also beyond them. I have had many spiritual father figures in my life. For me, it is so easy to see God as a loving, caring father and I know that I am truly blessed. It's amazing when I think back to all the male role models in my life and how honest and full of integrity they have been. I also marvel at the strong marriages I grew up seeing firsthand. There was no doubt that these men loved and respected their wives. What a beautiful thing to have grown up in a Christian environment filled with strong, Biblical, sincere believers. No, it wasn't perfect, but it was pretty close. And for that, I am forever grateful.
